Sunday, October 17, 2010

Emotional rollercoaster

Out of the blue, I've suddenly landed a job. Just a two week engagement, but still it is work. This means I've completely forgotten to blog.

So instead of telling you all about what's been going on lately, I'll just link to Mondage's logg entry on Fetlife. If you haven't registered at Fetlife yet, it's certainly about time you did so. Here's the link. And just as a teaser: It's about a kidnapping. And it was awsome.

In other news, I've also had a fairly big fight with Mondage. I knew it was comming sooner or later, but it still hurt. I don't know what consequences it will have yet. Time will show.

What is worse is that the fight with Mondage affected Corvus in a way I really hadn't forseen. He must have somehow felt hit by what I said to Mondage, without actually knowing enough about our previous conversations and fights to get a proper context. Mondage has actually handled the fight WAY better than Corvus have. Which is strangely illogical, as I was never fighting with Corvus. He was just being a mediator, a middle man, supporting both of us and giving us the opportunity to talk things through.

So Corvus has pulled back from me and seems to be at a low point in his life, emotionally and selfconfidence-wise at least. And I can't support him through it, because he doesn't want me to. We've had some contact, but I feel that he's inches away from cutting me off all together. I have no clue what's happened, and I feel very sad and stressed out about it. The couple of months I've spent playing with Corvus has been great!!! I'm really afraid of loosing him to something like this, especially when in this case I'd be loosing him to something I did. I'm not sure what I did, but I did something. It hurts and confuses me, and at the same time I know he's hurting too. I just don't know how to help him make it better. I care for him and want him to be allright.

So yeah. Sad, confused. Aching to help, but don't know how. AND busy with work for the first time in months, so I have no time or energy to actually fix it.

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