Corvus and I met up about a week ago, to talk things over. That helped. A lot. Knowing I wouldn't loose him entirely, even if we wouldn't be playing anymore, was a great comfort. Also, it was great simply to know that he was doing ok. We agreed that we needed to take things slow, but he wasn't averse to the idea of starting to play again sometime in the future. Having that to look forward to, in stead of just cutting everything out of my life, also helped.
Still, being so suddenly without a play partner has had an inpact on me. I'm a lot less motivated to participate in munches and parties in the BDSM scene. I don't have the energy or interest of trying to catch someone new. I was what we had, or barring that I don't really want anything. I've been to a cruising party, but all I did was walk around and watch. I left early. Tonight, I'm going to an all-girls party. There's a lot of people I know, so I guess it'll be cool seeing them again. But I'm not feeling terribly excited about it. :/
As I'm not participating in the local BDSM scene, nor meeting up with Corvus privately, I suddenly have a lot more time on my hands. Much of that time is spent with T, which has been good for both of us. However, T has other stuff to do so he isn't always home. And besides, if we were always sitting on top of eachother it would drive us both mad. :P
So I would have liked to have SOMETHING to do during weekdays. My days feel so empty now, they're all the same. I work, I go shopping, I go home, I wach TV, I make dinner for myself or for the both of us. Then I play Dragon Age on our Playstation, read or spend time online until it's time to go to bed. I sleep, I get up, I go to work. And for most days in the week, that would be just fine. Corvus was my hobby, because BDSM was my hobby. With him gone, and me loosing interest in the BDSM community (temporarily, I hope), there's very little left for me to occupy my time.
Sure, I have other things that I enjoy doing. Like playing tabletop roleplay. However, it's not happening often enough to be that kind of hobby. Before, ever Tuesday I knew where I'd be. Now I don't. Perhaps I'll feel like going to the occational much sometime soon, but without someone to play with it just isn't the same.