Wednesday, January 19, 2011

What has happened, part 2: Guilt

This is a copy of a post I made in a group on Fetlife:

Subdrop: Always a result of insufficient aftercare ?

I've recently had a pretty tough experience with a depressive sub. When I look back now, it seems clear to me that the depression somehow was triggered by our playing. After reading about subdrop online (inspired by a group I noticed he'd joined), the description of subdrop looks eerily like what he seemed to go through. Or at least subdrops might have been a trigger, a cathalyst for an underlying depression that up until then had been held in check.

Example of what I've been reading: BDSM for beginners: Aftercare for submissives

And this is where I got confused, and almost offended by what I found online. The description and explanations I found seemed to say that subdrop could occur if the aftercare hadn't been sufficent (either in quality or quantity). In other words: If the Dom(me) knew their business, did what he/she was supposed to do and took properly care of the sub, then subdrop wouldn't happen.

And from personal experience I find this hard to believe. I've been on the submissive side myself, I KNOW how essential aftercare is. Reading guides and tips I can honestly say that I've done (or at least tried) practically everything. I cuddle a lot, I give praise and I encourage, I keep the sub warm, make sure he drinks enough and gets his bloodsugar back up. I keep an eye on him once he's back on his feet, talking over the session with him if he wants or just keep him company if that's what he prefers. We discuss how we felt, how we feel, what worked and what didn't, and we aproach the "normal world" slowly and with care. I do all this, I know all this!

So if there isn't anything wrong with my aftercare, then he shouldn't have subdrops. But it seems a lot as though that's exactly what has been going on. He's been dropping once he's alone again, usually a few hours (sometimes as much as a day) after a session. He becomes moody, introvert or just sad and scared, for no apparent reason (sounds familiar, right?). And it usually passes again within a day or so. (Or at least it used to, before a full blow depression got in the way.)

So if those were subdrops, and we just didn't see it at the time... Then I must have beend doing something wrong with the aftercare. Right?

Or perhaps the online litterature on this field isn't entirely correct...? Perhaps you can do everything "by the book" and still have the sub experience subdrop. What do you think? And if this is the case, what on earth should one DO with it?!?

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