Friday, April 22, 2011

March and April: A short and incomplete summary

Note to self: Stuff happened with Cathalyst this weekend. And with another guy. Will write another entry on that later.

I haven't updated in the last few weeks. Partially because I didn't have the inspiration to do so, and partially because Corvus has had some issues lately. He's been fairly depressed, and it's hurt him to know that other people were enjoying themselves without him. And I HAVE occationally enjoyed myself without him, but I haven't updated here because I didn't want to hurt him. Now he's slowly comming out of that bad place, and so I feel it's ok for me to write updates again.

Question is: How much do I remember? Not sure. I'll start with the most recent and work my way backwards.

Yesterday, T and I had sex. It was nice. Every time we have sex, I'm suprised by how very, very nice it is. Even though it was kinda fast and none of us came, it brings a connection that I feel is important. We belong together, and it enforces that feeling. :)

Before that, I spent the entire day with Corvus. He's recently made and started wearing a chastity device (mostly like a Jailbird from Mature Metals, but home made). It turns him on something fierce, which is immensly fun. He picked me up at home, and after fondling a bit we went to a museum. The museum for science and technology. It had been my idea, because I wanted Corvus to experience something positive that could give him a mental "re-fill". After the museum we had dinner, then did some shopping.

After everything was done, we retired to the car where we played for a while. It had been a long day, and we were tired. Corvus' mood is still faaaar from stable, and he experienced a bout of sadness and depression during our play. I know he isn't doing well these days, and though I wish he was doing fine, it didn't bother me at all. I accept him for who he is, including the less happy parts. Our play wasn't only sad, most of it was fun and nice. It included me having two orgasms, using a vibrator. And at the end, I decided he could have one too. Removing the device is tricky, but he got it off and seemed to enjoy his orgasm. He was then put back inside, and will stay there for the next few days.

I also med Corvus on Tuesday, when he showed me the device for the first time. I'm appalled and fascinated by it at the same time. On one hand, it looks completely unnatural. It squishes the ball-sack into a weird shape, it has two big screws on the front... It doesn't look natural or comfortable, nor really desirable. However, I've long been attracted by the idea of chastity control and chastity devices. I like Mature Metal's design for the Jailbird: Both practical and as safe as can be, whist being estetically pleasing. So whilst seeing it on there was weird and almost a bit grotesque, it was also thrilling, exciting and somewhat of a turn-on. I suspect it will become more of a turn-on once I get used to the thing.

The last month or so, I've seen Corvus several times. Mostly I've been occupied with comforting him and showing him that I'm here for him, encouraging him to seek professional help for his depression, encouraging him to seek professional help for some physical pains he's struggling with etc. There's been some light play, but nothing serious.

I've been to the BDSM club a handful of times and played with a couple of people. First I should mention Mouse. He's this cute little thing that has latched on to Corvus and I. He's a submissive fetishist with a liking for women's shoes and clothing. Enough of a crossdresser to practically be concidered a transvestite, with a desire to express a female persona. He's also married, has kids and his wife is not particually accepting of his desires. He's been to the BDSM club in Oslo twice now, and joined us for a munch outside of town once. I'm encouraging him to come out of his shell and grow in confidence, though that's definitly an up-hill battle.

On his previous visit to the BDSM club almost a month ago, I played with him. We'd talked it over in advace, so he came prepared. There was nothing heavy, nothing I haven't done a bunsh of times before. And because he's new to me and not really my kind of sub, it didn't do much for me either... But it was interesting enough. Some bondage, a hogtie. Som light spanking, tickling and pinching. A bit of pleasure, but very little as I didn't want things to become to sexual. I don't know him well enough, and he is after all married. I doubt we'll play again, but I hope it has given him a taste of what he might find at the BDSM club and encourage him to come again.

Secondly I should tell you about LOL. He's a guy I've played with twice now. He's a switch, but not a submissive or a dominant (at least not yet). He's a bottom and a top, meaning he doesn't do the whole power-play thing. The first time we played, I was expecting a submissive and got a bottom, which was simply weird. He didn't SUBMIT to me, didn't become small and humble like I'm used to. He continued to see eye-to-eye with me. Weird. Just weird. And my attempts to dominate him must have seemed pretty weird to him. Another weird thing: When he get's "high" from being played with, he doesn't get physically horney as some people do. In stead, he get a mental "high", and starts to laugh uncontrollably. He says it's like flying. It made me very unsure, and I didn't really know how to handle it. Afterwards, we talked it over and I asked a whole bunsh of questions to get a better idea of what "made him tick" so to speak.

The second time was much better. I knew what to expect, I was better able to handle it and I adjusted our activities to suit him and our interraction and play style. He had requested a good spanking and I was happy to oblige. And I must honestly say I haven't had as much fun with spanking in a long time, if ever. He gives so much response, buckets and buckets of it. And to me response is everything. I hope to be able to do something like that again, it was so much fun it needs to be repeated.

The only down side was that I only had about 25 minutes for aftercare. T and I were catching a ride with a person who had to leave. He was fairly stable by that time, and there were other people present that I trusted... But I would have liked to be there and help him all the way down from that high myself. Next time, I hope we'll have more time.

So yeah, some stuff has happened these last few weeks. I've missed Corvus, and wished we could spend more time together... But he's dealing with stuff in his own way and tempo, and I respect that. I'm here for him, he knows that, and I'll support him no matter what happens. I want what's best for him and believe him to be a wonderful person, a wonderful friend. It's just sad that he can't see that in himself these days.

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