T has been away for a long time now. So long, it feels like forever. It isn't. It's just over a week, I think, though I've lost count. Thing is, before going on holiday, he was at a LARP. And before that, there was a game con. So we haven't had more than a few days together at home and in relative peace for what feels like a month. It's not a month, not even near, but it feels that way.
Not to go completely bonkers, I have Corvus here with me. He sleeps in our bed, he sits in our couch, he eats my food. But he isn't T. I miss how T smells. How he breathes. How he talks. His humor. His smiles. His hugs. The way the thick coat of hair on his chest curls, and is just long enough for me to get a good handful if I grab it.
I haven't really missed him that much earlier, and even now this longing isn't any sort of unbearable pain or anything that melodramatic. It just feels as though I'm incomplete. Like he took a part of me with him. It doesn't hurt me, but it's definitely missing. And I long to be complete once more.
In the meantime, I'm having a very good time here with Corvus. He's in better shape, mentally, than he's been in a long time. Having someone around that makes sure he eats and gets up in the morning probably helps with the loneliness and feeling of despair. And so I worry what will happen when T comes back and Corvus goes back home, alone once more. For now, all I can do is build him up as best as I can. Make sure he rests and recuperates. He's taken a week off work, and I think that does him good.
We play frequently. Never for long at a time and rarely anything deep and serious... But he's always mine. Even when we're equals. Even when he's the boss, teaching me how to drive a car for the first time. Even then, we both know deep down that he's mine. He wears the collar to which only I have the key. He wears the chastity device, a steel cage, to which I'm also the only one with a key. He's got spare keys to both, but they are sealed off. Only to use in an emergency. His cock is mine, just like all of him is mine. And we both enjoy that tremendously.
He's recently started experimenting with a wand. That is, a small, hollow steel rod worn inside the urethra. With it inserted, the chastity cage becomes 100% escape proof. I'm fascinated by it, a bit appalled by it and I know (just like with the chastity cage) that my sense of disgust will probably pass once the idea has grown on me. Then there will only be the fascination left, and before I know it I will become turned on by that too. It's strange how our desires grow and change over time. Gone are the days when all I did was push his limits to suit my own, now we are pushing each other. I wonder what will be next..