Saturday, September 17, 2011

Desirable? Me?

Last Saturday, I played with a new guy. I'm naming him F. He's been in the scene for a while. He's cool looking, always seems confident and popular... Just the sort of guy I'd never try to play with. I'm simply to afraid of rejection. He smokes cigarettes, and he knows I hate smoking (I'm fairly vocal about that). Thing is, he's decided to quit smoking, and wanted someone to help him stick to that promise.

So at the party on Saturday, he'd actually approached my fiancé (T) and asked him if he'd be ok with me and F playing together. T gave him the all clear, and seemed fairly amused to be asked in the first place. When I got off work (I'd been working at the bar in the club for the first part of the evening), T told me that F seemed pretty keen on playing with me. I was surprised, because I'd never expected that he'd actually be interested in ME.

Not letting such an oportunity slip away, I went and talked to him. He agreed to play with me and so we did. Before starting out, he'd told me a bit about what he was into (which included breath play, which you know I enjoy). Our play wasn't anything heavy. A bit of bondage, some spanking, some tickling and some light breath play. Mostly just trying things out, to see what worked on him and what didn't. Getting to know his reactions and figuring out what made him tick. I was fairly happy about my performance, but it wasn't anything I haven't done a hundred times before.

The really interesting bit happened the next day. I got a message from him on Fetlife, thanking me for a great evening and saying that I'd fulfilled one of his fantasies. He'd apparently wanted to play with me for quite some time!

I got truly surprised by this. Actually fantazising about playing with me, having thought about it for some time... I mean.. Wow! I've been back in the scene in Oslo for just about a year, and don't feel as though I have THAT much experience as a Dom anyway (about a year with regular, intense play, and three years before that with random, light play). Sure, he's seen me around at the club playing with others. And sure, there is a lack of female dominants in this scene as in all others. But I've seen him too. He's been fairly active, playing with women I concider to be much more experienced (and about 10 years older) than me. I didn't even think that he'd noticed me, much less desired to play with me.

Ofcourse, he could be lying. He could just try to flatter me, as I'm not that confident and compliments are a great way of making me really pleased. He could just be trying to ensure that he's got someone to play with, and makes due with me. These are all posibilities, and I think they are probable. But I don't think he's lying outright. I think he enjoyed what I did to him and what to experience it again. And I think he might actually have noticed me before and wanted to play with me for some time... It's hard to believe, for someone with as low confidence as I, but I really, really WANT to believe him. Because if it was true, and he really did desire me, then that would do great things for my self esteem.

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