Sunday, January 22, 2012

Three BDSM sessions in one night

What a night! Tight and I have been playing as often as we've been able. Which so far has meant twice per week. After the hugely attended munch a couple of weeks ago, he came here to visit me the following Friday. Then there was another munch this week, in which we also played. And then there was tonight. And what a night! Nothing we've done previously can compare to this evening.

To me, BDSM is about a combination of three things: Humiliation, pain and pleasure. These three may ofcourse be achieved in various ways, one of my favorite methods being bondage. But bondage in itself I view only as a tool, a means to an end, not the end itself. Tonight, we had three sessions, one session for each main "theme" if you like.

The first one was about humiliation. This is a topic we've just started to explore. I can't push him very far yet, but I AM pushing him. He's already doing things he never thought he would (like being naked in front of people at the BDSM club). During this session, I gave him his birthday gift: A collar. To me, collars are intensely personal, and it's a strong symbol. It means I'm no longer "concidering" him. He's mine now. We have still to determine exactly what that means, as it's still very much an evolving relation.. But there is no doubt in either of us that he is my sub now, and that's how we want it to be.

The second one was about pain. Also a fairly new thing for him. Like I mentioned perviously: He can't handle much pain and is obviously not familiar with how to deal with it. He's gotten much better in just the last couple of weeks, and this time I gave him an good old-fashioned spanking. Warmed him up first, using my hand and a suede leather flogger. Then switched to a wooden paddle and a riding crop. He got fairly sore, but he's a long way from any serious bruising. With anyone else, I'd call it a fairly light spanking. With him, it was really impressive how much he could handle. He ushed himself beyond what he's done before, and I'm very proud of him.

He fell into subspace from the pain, which is a good thing... The scary thing was it happened so quickly, I wonder if he might have blacked out for a second. His body just dropped, couldn't support himself, he grew pale and his breathing shallow. He quickned somewhat shortly thereafter, and I untied him, got him on the floor and let him stay in subspace until he surfaced on his own. He was ok and had no recollection of the event that I just described... And so I'm still not sure what to make of it.

The third session was supposed to be about pleasure... However, I discovered when I was touching his dick and balls that he is actually turned on by pain down there. The guy who can't handle pain anywhere else is actually turned on when I squeeze and pinch his dick and balls..! Fascinating! He still doesn't get hard, but claims it's a mental block because we don't know eachother that well yet and he's still not relaxed enough in my presence. I don't really mind, I don't have much use for his dick anyway. It's clear from his reactions that he's getting horney, so I take it I'm doing something right, even if he doesn't get hard.

I've wanted to explore CBT (cock and ball torture) before, but never had a victim that I trusted/was close enough to AND who actually enjoyed it and wanted it. Sure, I've threated and used a bit of nails and teeth, but it's not the same with someone actually enjoying it. To my surprise (not sure why I was surprised though) I got really, really turned on by it. Once I think about it, it's fairly logical. It combines three things I like and that turns me on: Power. Taboo/breaking a social norm (which is why for example face slapping turns me on so much). And pain. I love hurting people who want me to hurt them, I really do. That in itself is a huge turn on. The others are just enhancers. (Yeah, I know... I'm a freak.)

I hadn't expected these first couple of weeks to bring me anything I hadn't tried before. I thought it would be mostly getting him up to my level, in terms of what he dares to try and is able to handle. I was obviously wrong: CBT is new to me. Once the session finished, we were both grinning from ear to ear and loudly agreed we HAD to try this again. He didn't really know this was such a huge turn on for him, and I didn't know it would be such a big turn on for me. We both discovered something new, and now that we've had a taste,  we both want more of the same.

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