Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Ten things I look for in a submissive

Two fabulous bloggs, Lipstick and Ligature and Unrepentant Fatty, have been collecting the 10 things women look for in a submissive partner and the 10 things men look for in a dominant partner. The results for the dominant women have been published, so I suggest you go over to Lipstick and Ligature and read it. :)

For those of you just currious about me, here's what I wrote:

The ten things I look for in a submissive are:

1.Interest in me. (I won’t play with someone, at least not several times, who just want to be played with. I want him to want ME, not just “someone”.)

2.Emotional and mental stability (that doesn’t mean I won’t play with someone who’s got a depression, but it does mean I need it to be STABLE. Predictable. See “Self sufficent” below.)

3.Self sufficency (He should have his own life and be able to live it without my support or help. I’m not his mother or his nurse or his piggy-bank. Nor is he mine.)

4.Good non-verbal communications (I can read most people’s body language just fine, but have encountered some people whom I simply can’t understand. If I can’t understand them, I can’t play with them.)

5.Good verbal communications (We need to be able to talk to one another and make ourselves understood. If we communicate in very different ways, that might be a problem.)

6.Overlapping BDSM-interests (BDSM is a wide field. We don’t have to enjoy exactly the same things, but there must be some overlap.)

7.Overlapping expectations and goals for the BDSM-relationship (If you’re looking for a 24/7-thing, or someone you can move in with, or someone to fulfill your stereotype porn-fantasy, I’m not the domme you’re looking for. If the expectations and goals don’t overlap from the start, they better get clear pretty soon, see “verbal communications” above.)

8.Willingness to trust me and explore BDSM along with me (if you have your thing and won’t ever try anything else, how will we grow and develop?)

9.Likeable person (We should be able to interact in a non-BDSM setting. He should be a “good guy”: Kind, helpful, a sense of humor etc.)

10.Overlapping playing style (I’m not someone who stand three feet away, wielding a whip with a stone cold expression on my face. I love to touch and taste and smell, I laugh and smile and enjoy what I do. I need cuddles and closeness when it’s all over. If that’s not a style you can live with, then we can’t play.)

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