Friday, December 6, 2013

Sparks and fireworks

I've been seeing a lot of Saint lately. He stayed over from Tuesday to Wednesday, AND I went and saw him today (Thursday) as well. And it works. It really, really works.

This fall, I said that I'd played with a lot of different people, but I was missing the sparks and fireworks that I had with Tight. I wondered if I'd find another sub like that, and was really morose. I was afraid I'd lost my ability to dominate, lost my mojo. I was in a very dark and unhappy place, loosing faith in myself and my own abilities... And Saint brought me out of that. In a way, he saved me. I got a session that worked, where I felt confident and happy about what I was doing. And then I just couldn't get that guy out of my head.

I've been wanting more of him ever since then, and the more I get, the more I want. When I touch him, there are sparks. Sparks and fireworks. Even when I think I'm not in the mood to play, and just want to cuddle and be social, I just can't keep my hands off him. And then we end up playing anyway. It's the "new badger" phenomenon, and I know this tingling, sweet crush will calm down in a couple of months. But right now, it's just SO sweet. It's such a rush.

So today I asked him if he'd be mine. My submissive. And he accepted. It won't change much from what we have now, but the words we use matter. It makes it all more formal, more definite. He's mine. MINE! What that basically means is that he has to ask before playing with anyone else, and that he has to do as I tell him to do. So nothing major.

I haven't had a sub in almost a year. I haven't had a working relationship with a sub for well over a year. It feels really good to have a sub again. Someone I can call mine. Someone to protect and caress and hurt and humiliate. Someone with whom I can again experience all the intense pleasures and pains of BDSM, all the bondage, and all the joy. Oh, the joy. Vanilla is well and good, and very much something I enjoy... But nothing comes even close to the joy and the intensity of BDSM. And I plan to enjoy it to the fullest.