Sunday, September 13, 2015

Light and fun play with others

In the months before I met Saint, I played with a lot of different guys. I used to frequent my local BDSM club, and play with anyone and everyone I could get my hands on. Sometimes we had a great match, something it didn´t work out. It completely lacked the depth of a long-term relationship, but it was flirtatious and fun. I also got to help out a lot of new guys and introduce them to the world of kink and BDSM, give them a small taste of what BDSM could be. And information work and helping new people is a true passion of mine. 

After I started playing with Saint, two things happened in tandem: I got busy with other parts of my life, and didn´t go to the BDSM club as often. At the same time, Saint wasn´t comfortable with me playing with others. He felt uncertain, and was afraid he´d loose me to some other guy. After all, such random play was how the two of us met in the first place. One one hand this felt like a bit of a loss to me, because I truly enjoy such light play with others. Not in stead of the serious, in-depth play I have with Saint, but in addition to it. On the other hand, it didn´t really bother me much. I was fairly busy anyway, so I didn´t have much time for such encounters. And the play and relationship I developped with Saint more than made up for any such feelings of loss. 

Note that he´s never really denied me anything. That wouldn´t be like him. But he was honest about his feelings on the subject, and I´m very grateful for that. I take heed and try to make him as comfortable and confident as I can. If that means giving up a minor and not-vital part of my life then I will happily do so. I love him, it´s easily worth it.

As long as we didn´t go to the BDSM club much, I didn´t notice this restriction. However, after having played with eachother for over 1,5 years, we decided to start going there more regularly again. We missed the people and the atmosphere. Getting back there, the restrictions on me playing with others was more keenly felt. Now, I´ve raised this issue regularly over the past couple of years, but the conclusion was always the same and no changes were made. However, this fall Saint surprised us both:

I had a nice conversation with a new guy. The kind of guy I´d typically play with, a couple of years ago. Saint approached me later that night and said he thought I should play with this new guy. He´d been really surprised at his own thoughts, but having concidered it some more he´d realised that it didn´t really bother him anymore. I pressed, really quizzed him on the subject, but he seemed genuinely ok with the idea. So I made arrangements for a potential play date with this new guy the following week. During that week, Saint and I talked about it some more. And he was still ok with it.

The day arrived, and I had my play session with this new guy. It wasn´t a great session, but it was light and fun. It felt good being "back in the saddle", so to speak. Though I worried  a lot about what Saint would think. But we talked it over later, and he was still ok with it. It´s now been almost a month, and I´m heading back to the BDSM club on Tuesday. Saint won´t be able to go, because of previous comittements, so I´m headed there on my own. And again, Saint has given the "ok" for me to find someone else to play with.

I still worry. I still don´t want to hurt him, or make him feel uncertain. I love him, and will always prioritize him higher than some random play date. Which means that if he starts feeling uncomfortable with this again, I will scale it back. His feelings matter to me. Hopefully, this is a sign that he´s grown more confident in himself and in our relationship. I hope it is. And I hope we will grow stronger from it. 

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