Lots of kinky fun

Saturday was... instense. There's no other word for it.

I met and played with the experienced guy, whom I wrote about here and who was the subject in the snapshots here. We wrote back and forth, negotiating limits and talking of what turned us on, for over a week. A wall of text. On that Saturday, we met up, eaten, chatted, admired eachother's equipment and spoke more about boundries and rules. Then we went to a party, and played. And it was great fun!

We were at a party in my local BDSM club, and had two long sessions. Both were in public, and in total they lasted close to four hours. This is without doubt the most play-intensive party I've had in years, perhaps ever. It's also the first time I've played that rough in public.

At this particular party, a group of sexology students were invited. T had fun explaining our lifestyle and what we do, and used my play with this guy as a living example of what he was talking about. The question he had to answer most often was "is that really your wife?". And yes, I am. The fact that I was fucking another man in the ass at the time, does not make me any less of T's wife. I find that situation quite hillarious, and I think T enjoyed himself as well. Although he might have gotten tired of answering the same questions over and over again.

But back to the experienced guy (I need to think of a pseodonym for him). First of all, he was nervous too. That helped. Secondly, while I was ridicculously nervous before we started, that all went away the moment I began touching him. Third, he's just been full of praise afterwards. He greatly enjoyed that I was so experienced. That I dared to push him further and hit him harder than many newbie-doms do. That I wasn't afraid of his whimpers and screams. That I reacted promptly to his safe words, but didn't let the fact that he needed to use them sap my spirit. That I was creative, and rough and enjoyed myself. (I also made some quite spectacular bruises, which has made him happy and proud. Silly boy.)

And oh, did I enjoy myself! That he so willingly used safe words (yellow only, I never heard any red), gave me confidence. It meant that I didn't have to think for both myself and for him, I could just go with my instincts, do what I wanted to do and have fun. He would let me know if it was too much. And it wasn't too much. The few times he did use safe words, it was mostly practical things like his arms falling asleep. He never used them on the humiliation, and only once on the pain (which was during CBT, so I'm not surprised). And like one of the first times I really played with humiliation (around here somewhere), it all comes down to trust. I can't trust my insticts on wether or not the other person is doing ok. So I HAVE to trust that he will use a safe word. Without that trust, I can't possibly allow myself to play that rough.

I loved how I didn't have to rein myself in. I could be as mean as I felt like, as sadistical as I felt like. This wasn't a newbie. This wasn't a sub who endured the pain because I wanted him to. This was an experienced submissive and masochist. He loves pain. He loves humiliation. There was nothing I did to him that he couldn't handle.

The trust was there. The kink was there. It was intense. It was intimate. Even though we never kissed, I never took off my underwear, he never touched me intimately in any way and I never touched him in any "vanilla" way... It felt intimate.

But despite that intensity and intimacy, when it was over it was over. Like flipping a light switch. After the mandatory aftercare, we were back to being... Neutral.  Acquaintances, possibly friends, but nothing more. No lingering touches, no knowing looks, no feeling of connectedness or belonging. I find that strange, but very comforting.  He's monogamous. He's got a fiancée, and although he plays with others, his love is for her alone. Sex, in the traditional sense, is for her alone.

Will I play with him again? Maybe. I wouldn't turn down the chance, if it was offered and I didn't already have plans. I had a great time with him. But there is no pulling need for him. No crush. No lingering feelings or desires. It's not a relationship, and I wouldn't want him in one either. This feels clean, almost clinical in it's loveless-ness. It feels like freedom from expectations, it feels like fresh oportunities and most of all: It feel like fun. Kinky fun.