This winter, I've struggled with SAD (seasonal affective disorder, also known as winter blues or winter depression), which has really drained my energy. I've had SAD before, so I know the signs. I know it'll pass. But it still sucks. I've recently started seeing a psychologist, and hopefully I'll learn some methods to better deal with this myself in the future.
While I've been bogged down by this depression, there hasn't been much energy left to play. Saint and I do the occasional bondage session, which is really nice. But that's just about all I have energy for these days. We've started playing with head harnesses again, though, which is fun. But that's just about it.
The Valentine's weekend was supposed to be different. T and I had a couple visiting us, where T has been flirting heavily with the woman and I've been getting to know the guy. We had planned to play with them (separately) that Friday, and then go to a party with them at our local BDSM club that Saturday.
I played with that guy both evenings, and he was enthusiastic and happy and nothing went wrong. But it didn't feel quite right either. I was tired, we didn't really match as well as I had hoped, and I just wasn't feeling it. It was fun and enjoyable, sure, but in the end I felt even more tired than I had going into that weekend. Not his fault. Not really my fault either, I think. We just weren't that great of a match.
Then a few days ago, I went to the hospital for a planed surgical procedure. I've known it was coming for months, and been looking forward to getting it done and over with. But it's still not an enjoyable experience. So now I'm on sick leave for two weeks while my body heal. T has been babysitting me this weekend, and Saint will be hanging out with me this coming week. But I don't think there will be any kink happening in the near future.
But soon, spring will come. The SAD will go away. My body will heal. And things will get better. I'm really looking forward to that.