Monday, April 18, 2016

Giant playing

I went to see Giant yesterday, in between two other appointments. We didn't have that long together, but it was long enough to get a taste of things to come. And it was awesome!

I experimented with ropes and leather cuffs, mostly. He was convinced he didn't like pain, but I showed him that a bit of pain can be really, really sweet. No whips or crops, just nails pinching his nipples and scratching/gabbing him. This was all well and good, but nothing exceptional. Nothing I haven't done many, many times before, with many, many men. What made this different, though, was him.

First of all, he's very good looking. I've been physically attracted to him for years (which is one of the reasons why Saint has found it so difficult to accept that I'm playing with him). Giant is tall, well built, fairly muscular, but not so sculpted as to make him unattractive (I prefer men that aren't all muscle). He's got a beard, which I love (both T and Saint are also bearded). And he's hairy all over (except the crotch area, obviously), which I'm also really attracted to. I find it gives the skin an interesting texture (T is also really, really hairy. Saint is more normal in this respect).

Secondly, he's very good at communicating. He's intelligent and competent, and acts like an adult rather than an insecure 14 year old (like may of the random subs I meet). He was fairly verbal before we started play, and would readily discuss sex-related topics with me. This is important, for me to get an idea of what his interested in and in what direction I should start exploring. Once play started, he grew more introspective and less verbal. However, his body language was very open and honest.

Of course, my "readings" aren't perfect. I still need practice to predictably be able to find that boarder between pain and pleasure. This lead to several interesting situations, where he was convinced that I sabotaged his ability to jerk off. In truth, I just hurt him a bit too much, because I didn't read him right. I let him think it was on purpose during the play session, though. To further support the idea of me as a super-dom who can read minds (FYI, I can't). And it certainly was amusing to me (I am a sadist, after all). I'll tell him later, though. In the long run, it pays to be open about my own shortcomings.

The third reason why the playing yesterday was so great, was his submission. Now, how can I explain what I mean by that..? I describe it as mentally going "down", but if you haven't felt it you probably don't understand what I mean...

I mean the acceptance of the dom as a superior being, who's completely in control. The trust. Letting go of the analytical part of you mind, which has to analyse and overthink everything. Not pondering about the past or the future, just being present. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally present. Looking away when I meet your eyes, bowing your neck, being open to my every desire and every move. Your acceptance of the natural hierarchy in the play session. Wanting to please me, wanting to make me proud, wanting my praise. Passively awaiting my command. Showing me with your body, these primitive signals of submission.

He didn't submit much, really, and he's not conscious of what's happening when he's doing it. He doesn't recognize it in himself, and he doesn't even understand it when I try to describe it. However, he's definitely doing it. I can see it in his eyes, in his face, when I remind him that I'm the one in charge. When I remind him that he's not in control. It's just so endearing. This big, strong, competent man, who submits to me the first time we play. Very charming. I wish to nurture that submissive instinct, and bring it more to the foreground. I think he could come to enjoy that side of himself, if he lets it out a bit more. I feel privileged and grateful that he lets me be the catalyst of such self-discovery.

I'll see him again on Wednesday, and I have high hopes. I don't know how far I'll be able to go, or what we'll end up doing exactly. But I have a few ideas. I'm looking forward to it.

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