Thursday, April 28, 2016

Giant's failings

Giant came to see me yesterday, and we had many, many hours of fun and play. I finally managed to fuck him properly with a strap-on (last time was too uncomfortable for him to enjoy it). We played with a butplug. I led him around with a collar and a lead. He got to watch me orgasm.

And we learned that he's got a proper masochistic side: He gets turned on by spanking. He finds that the burning, stinging sensation after a stroke with a cane or whip, is pleasurable. Now, personally I don't get this at all. But then, I'm no masochist. I'm just glad he's found more stuff he enjoys. And I'm glad it's pain. I love hurting men when I play with them. (Yep, I'm definitely a sadist.)

Giant has always seemed too good to be true. Great looks, intelligent, witty, good social skills, stable job, interesting hobbies... Yeah, the whole package. Like I've mentioned before, I thought him to be over my league. However, I've finally found out what's "wrong" with him, or rather: What makes him human, like the rest of us.

You see, no matter how gorgeous he is, he doesn't see it or believe it himself. His self esteem, especially when it comes to his looks and general level of attractiveness, is very low. It felt almost surreal to stand there with this beautiful, strong (and stark naked!) man, and have him tell me that he thinks of himself as ugly. It just goes to show that your perception of yourself really has NOTHING to do with the facts. (It's actually made me reconsider some of my own body issues. You obviously can't trust your own mind. Not at all!)

Giant has also recently come out of a very long relationship, and although I think he'll be better for it.. It still hurts him. It's been almost a year, but when someone you trust hurt you that deeply, healing takes time. There seems to be unresolved issues there, that he's only partially aware of.

As weird as it sounds, I'm glad he's got flaws. Of course, I'm not happy that he's hurting! But I'm glad to find that he's a human being, like me and like everyone else. He's not perfect.

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