Thursday, June 30, 2016

An ending

This will be shorter than it should have been. Because my arm really hurts (something with the tendons, I think. shouldn't be using the computer much at all, really).

Basically: Giant dumped me today.

He did it very properly. Like everything he does. Well prepared. Face-to-face. Compassionate. Reasonable. And yet stubborn. Proud. Unyielding. Uncommunicating. Unforgiving. Hard.

I could see that it pained him. I could tell that he didn't want to hurt me. That he cared for me, and wanted me to be happy... But at the same time, he didn't want me to be with him.
How he'd ever expect me to be happy, and yet be abandoned, I don't know.

His reason? He claims that he can only ever love one person at once... Or rather: Only ever have one relationship at once. So he's throwing everything we have away, because of a crush on a girl he started flirting with this weekend. A girl 11 years his junior, who lives on the other side of the country.

I was willing to share him. She was willing to share him. And yet, he's refusing even to try.

I call it the coward's way out. The easy way. To not even try. Not give us a chance. Maybe it wouldn't have worked out, but now we'll never know. Because he'd already decided, before we started talking.
No middle ground, no compromise, no attempt at negotiation. Done.

He claims to have thought about this for about three-four weeks. But it didn't seem so urgent then, because he hadn't met anyone else to attempt to have a relationship with (I was good to keep around in the meantime, it seems). Also, there wasn't any good time to speak about it, because of all the volunteer work we've both have been involved in.

I feel angry. It feels like such a waste. We had three really good weeks, while I was struggling to draw him out of his shell (out of a depression). Helping him get over his ex. But the lies kind of ruined those weeks for me, in hindsight. Then we started again, building trust and love. He told me that he loved me in the middle of June. (He claims that he still does, but apparently that's not enough to even try to make this work.) And then the next three-four weeks were spent working on our volunteer project. Seeing each other a lot, but having NO time for "us".

It seemed like we'd finally have some time for the two of us now. I was so looking forward to that. To continue building on the base that we'd made. I believed our hardships and struggles made us stronger.

Then she came. And then he was gone.
And I'm left with a broken heart.

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