Sunday, June 12, 2016


Do you like this?
How about this?
Gah! Yes!

I hate having a voice in the back of my mind, asking "was that true?".

You tell me about something you've done, or something you're going to do. Something someone else once told you, or something you've experienced. And I find myself looking for proof that what you're saying is true. I hate not being able to just accept what you say on face value.

You say you wish to tell me the truth from now on. My problem, is that I will never be able to tell if you're actually truthful, or if you just lie really well. And you do lie well, as we've already seen. And nothing anyone can do or say can remove that doubt. So will that voice in the back of my mind ever go away now?

And what about other people? If one person lies, and I didn't spot it, does that mean everybody lies? Will that voice in the back of my mind speak up when I'm with other people to?
I feel wounded. Broken.

It's been less than 48 hours. I'm still probing the wound, trying to assess the damage that has been done to me. Like everything else, I know intellectually that it's possible to heal from this. Though right now, that feels bloody difficult. It feels like I have a long way to go.

It's a choice. Like everything else. Do I choose to let this break me? Break us?

No. Once more, unto the breach.
I choose love.

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