I was looking through my large number of blog posts from these past few months. And I decided: I'm doing a summary of my experiences with Giant. For myself, and for posterity.
It began here, on the 14th of April. The rest of April was a flurry of play and activity and exploration. Lots of NRE. Lots of play. If anyone wants to read just the sexy bits, April 2016 is the right place to go.
In the middle of May we had our first fight, and I started to get an idea of how vast our communication issues might be. But we still had some play, though I also struggled with my depression a bit.
Around the 10th-11th of June, he told me that he'd lied to me, and that he lies to everyone else as well. He promised me time to get over it, time for him to earn back my trust.
The 16th of June, he told me that he loved me. The next ten days was taken up by stress, work, and fights. Mostly.
On the 25th of June, he started flirting with the new girl (or really, she started flirting with him). I found it hard, but gave them all the support I could.
And today, on the 30th of June, our relationship is over.
Slight de-railing here:
He's turning to her now, giving her 100%. I don't envy her the pressure, or the expectations. To be the cause for someone else's break-up, must feel really painful... But what if the two of them don't work out? What if their relationship to ends too, when so much has been sacrificed and so much pain has been caused to start it.. I would feel terrible, if I was somehow part of that! I don't envy her this position at all.
Though... Maybe these serial monogamists handle it better than I would...? They seem to do those sorts of things all the time: Overlapping, dumping people they care about to be with someone else, cheating, killing their emotions to stay with the relationship they have, lying... It all seems so complicated. So difficult. (Much like what monogamous people say when I explain about polyamory. Haha.) What do I know of the ways of monogamy, anyway? I feel like I outgrew all that drama years ago. I feel like I'm 19 years old again. My ex just dumped me to be with a new girl, whom I'd permitted him to date in the first place. (Oh wait, that actually happened. When I was 19 years old.)
Getting back on track: It's been two and a half intense, exciting, demanding, difficult, joyful months. I'll never look at water melon in quite the same way again. I've (at least partially) overcome my aversion to having my ass played with. I've learned some new bondage techniques, and gotten interested in suspension again. I've bought more rope. I've learned that it IS possible to juggle three men. It just takes a lot of dedication, from all parties involved. But it is possible.
I'm grateful for what we've had. I'm also grateful that he came clean and told me that he wanted to end it, rather than to let me figure out that something was wrong on my own. He didn't do it until he had someone better to turn to, which I'm still kind of bitter about. But at least he was honest. And he doesn't want us to end on bad terms. That's something.
Hopefully, this will not be the last entry tagget "Giant". Hopefully, something else can rise from the ashes. We'll just have to wait and see. He's holding all the cards, so it's up to him. I'm willing.