I've got no enthusiasm for any kind of play at the moment. Not with Saint and not with Giant. I want cuddles and closeness and intimacy. And I have a slight, slight sex drive still. At least I want orgasms sometimes. But no BDSM at all. I have no inspiration for it.
Three times now, when visiting Giant, my toy bag has remained unopened. We've cuddled and done some sexy stuff, sure. But really nothing much that could be called BDSM. Saint and I haven't played in quite some time either. I know it bothers him, but he tries not to put any pressure on me. I love him dearly for it.
And I hate it. I feel like I'm not doing my job as a girlfriend, as a dominant or as a sexual partner in any sense. And hating myself doesn't really do anything good for my sex drive, either. Bad circle.