Monday, June 27, 2016

The tricky bits

I still stand by my choice of last night.

But the most difficult part is this... Right now. Because I've told him that ALL I need and ALL I want is cuddles. And I've barely gotten a hug so far.

But he cuddles her. Right now. Sitting on the floor, leaning up against her, looking all lovey dovey.

I don't want to take that from him. But I wish he'd invite me to join them. He's got two arms. Two shoulders. Or, if he's afraid that she'd feel awkward about that, that he'd compensate in some other way. Reaching out to me, taking the initiative to hug me, kiss me. We haven't kissed properly since Friday night.

So she's not a problem. I stand by my choice, and I applaud them. I feel lots of compersion in this situation. But I also feel rejected. I feel ignored, as if I'm not a priority. That feels like a problem, to me.

He's tired, and stressed, and overworked, and not slept enough. I KNOW that he's not thinking straight. He'd not trying to hurt me. But in a way, that's even worse. Because it's the instinctive reaction. And his instinctive reaction is not to include or prioritize me.

He's tired, and tressed, and overworked, and not slept enough. If that meant that he didn't have energy for anyone or anything, that would also be ok. I wouldn't mind that. But that's not how it is.

She's only around for a couple of more days. I should just bow out and let them go at it.

It's just difficult.

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