Friday, April 7, 2017

Polyamory: Worth it.

This life of polyamory and kink is sometimes difficult. I've spoken repeatedly of the balancing act I need to do, and the constant worry that someone is feeling overlooked or ignored. Also the continuous series of compromises and discussions, and not to mention the numerous caveats ("yes, but I need to check with this-other-person-first").

But this life is also pretty sweet. Because all that work, and worry and planning, in the end is worth it. Because I love all of them, and I wouldn't want it any other way. Because through polyamory and kink, I change and I grow, and I discover that there is always more to learn.

Every new partner brings something new to the table. A kink I couldn't understand with one partner, suddenly makes sense with another one. An activity that I thought I had tried sufficiently and didn't really love, can become interesting again when I try it in new circumstances. This doesn't mean that the previous partner(s) did something wrong, far from it! They also introduced me to something new, when we were new. They also helped me grow and develop. And we're still growing, no matter how long we've been together.

I'm not the same now as when I met Saint. And I'm certainly not the same as when I had any previous subs. Things I liked or didn't like then, or that I understood or didn't understand, are not necessarily the same now. For example, I'd never quite understood or felt any attraction to CBT... Until I spontaneously tried out some light CBT with Tight (a previous sub) all those years ago. Since then, I've not done much hardcore stuff, but Saint and I have had some great fun with it.

On the other hand, Tight loved latex and I didn't. So we didn't play with that at all. I just didn't get the attraction. Not until I'd known Saint for a while, did I actually start to embrace that fetish and start to play with it. And although it's still not my fetish, I can see the appeal in wearing it and we're having fun playing with it.

With Dane, again I'm trying new things, getting new perspectives and developing as a person and as a dominant. For example, we're currently exploring long-distance D/s, playing a lot over skype, experimenting with him performing self-bondage on my command (or "bondage-by-proxy"), and doing other things that I have little or no direct experience with. Just like the things I learnt with Saint and with other people affects the way I play with Dane, so also does the flow of experience go the other way: The things I learn with him, will again affect me in my other (and my future) relationships.

In the end, I want to get really philosophical for a bit:
I imagine us all like an interconnected set of neurons: Experience and thoughts and ideas and impressions flowing from one to the other. Every link affecting not only the ones it's adjacent to, but also those people's "neighbours" and their "neighbours' neighbours". One huge network of love, and kink, and friendships, and teachers, and guides.

In the end, that's how I think of everyone, for better or for worse. All humans are connected to each other on some level, affecting the people around them. So that network is also comprised of friends, co-workers, relatives and even strangers on the street. This interconnectedness just becomes so much more obvious to me because I'm poly, and all the people in that closest network are all people that I love. I see that flow of experience, I see the growth and development and how it can be beneficial to all. And I revel in it.

So yes. I think polyamory is worth it.


  1. Do you know what happend to Corvus?

  2. Thank you for asking. I see him occasionally (about twice per year, maybe), but we don't speak much. He got better from his depression, got a new girlfriend and last I heard they'd moved in together. I don't know if they're doing kinky stuff to each other, but I hope they are. I wish him the best.