Friday, January 22, 2021

Longing

My partner Saint has gone early to bed again, and my lover Arthur is busy and not answering my messages tonight. I'm surfing on Fetlife and some kink-channels on Discord, but not enough is happening and I feel restless. I have this longing, like an itch I'm unable to scratch.

I long for people. Kinky people. I long for connection, community, I long for my kinks to feel normal, accepted, enthusiastically embraced. Sure I've got some friends, but we mostly talk online these days and most of them aren't kinky. They might know about my kinks, but since they aren't kinky themselves they don't really "get" it.

So I have this longing. I long to sit amongst my peers, not necessarily discussing kinky stuff, but knowing there's room for it. Both for the conversation topics and the actions. I long for the sounds of someone playing in the background, spontaneous and natural. I long for the light flirting, the show&tells, the questions. I miss being surrounded by other kinkster, I long for a community.

And it's not even covid's fault, really. I've turned away from the community willingly, because I'm busy taking care of young kids. There isn't time, or room, or energy, for taking part in a kink community right now.

So it's my own fault. 
But I still miss it. 

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