I can fuck!

Last fall, I was diagnosed with lichen sclerosus. It's a chronic skin disease of the vulva. Non-contagious, luckily. But it sucks. Among other things, the skin gets less flexible and more prone to tearing. I especially get tears towards the perineum side of the vaginal opening. 

At its worst, the disease can make the vaginal opening almost close up, the labia minora disappear and the clit hood fuse shut, thus trapping the clit under a layer of skin. This makes the clit a lot less sensitive. On me, my clit is mostly trapped and the labia minora are smaller, but I retain a lot of sensitivity still.  

Many people with this disease stop having sex, have sex very rarely and/or get no pleasure (and a significant amount of pain) from sex. Tearing is painful, and fear of tearing makes it harder to get turned on and properly wet. When you're less turned on, less wet, the odds of getting tears increase. A vicious circle, in other words. 

Arthur and I had sex last night. Carefully, gently, with lube, me controlling both the angle and depth of penetration.. And it was not really pleasant for me. It didn't hurt that much, but I did tear a bit. I was happy I was able to fuck at all, because I've been worried about that... His dick is easily the largest I've handled, so that doesn't make things any easier. But being in pain isn't nice. 

Luckily I was mostly healed by this morning, horny as hell, and wanted to try again. And this time, it worked! I was wetter than last night, I'd orgasmed with a toy first, and I used more lube. After carefully, slowly sinking almost all the way down on his dick, I got back up and applied even more lube to the places where I felt any sign of uncomfort. Then down again. All the way down. And it worked! 

So I CAN fuck. I could get him all the way into me, even experiment with the angle to put more strain in the perineum, and I didn't tear. If he hadn't been half asleep, we could probably have changed positions too. You have no idea how happy this makes me. I can actually have a semi-normal sex life again. I might never be able to have a "quicky" like I used to, I will probably always need more foreplay than before, but I can fuck! 

I started crying afterwards, I was so relieved. This has been weighing on me ever since I got the diagnosis, and I'm so happy to know that I can still have penis-in-vagina sex if I want to.