Blatant hints

I've always been very sensitive to rejections. Especially rejections of a social or sexual nature. This is probably due to the bullying I received as a child, being treated as a social pariah. In a sexual/kink context, this means that I can be VERY frank and explicit in my flirting, but I'm often unable to take that last step and actually invite someone to play or ask someone if they want to do anything more than flirt. (At least if it's something I really want. If I don't really care about it, have very little invested in it, I don't have the same issue at all.)

At a BDSM party that mean that I'll seek out the guys who seem interested in being submissive. I'll chat, I'll flirt, I'll show off my ropes or my equipment, I'll talk about my experience and about how much I enjoy playing with new/random guys... I'll put rope on the table and loudly call it "bait".. But actually asking them "can I tie you up?" or "would you like to play?"... That's almost impossible for me. In stead, I make my wishes blatantly obvious and wait for the guys to take that last vital step. Why? Because if I don't ask, I can't be rejected.

Usually, this works well enough. It often takes a bit longer than I would like, but eventually SOME guy will get brave enough to actually ask. Usually... Sometimes, however, they never get brave enough.. Or maybe they just don't get the hint.. Or maybe they genuinely don't want to play with me. Like at the BDSM-party this other weekend.. At some point, I'm having that "I want to play with someone" talk with THREE submissive, apparently single, apparently pretty new and desperate guys... And yet NO ONE actually volunteers. 

And when they don't, I'm stumped. Because they might just genuinely not want me, and that's perfectly ok. I just don't know if they've made that conscious decision, or if they're simply completely unable to get my blatant hints... So I don't know if I, by asking, will be rectifying the situation.. Or set myself up for an almost certain rejection. 

The result at the party, was that I gave up on them and found someone else (Foodie, mentioned in my previous post). I'd tried hinting to Foodie earlier in the evening, but didn't really get to be as clear as I usually am (they were involved in a different conversation most of the time). For some reason, asking Foodie to play when I went back that second time wasn't as scary as asking those three guys... Not sure why.. Maybe because the evening was drawing to a close, and I felt more desperate..? Or maybe because I hadn't BEEN as clear with them as with those three guys, so they hadn't yet had the opportunity to thoroughly ignore my hints.. I don't know.

I've tried giving blatant hints to Arthur as well, and even telling him pretty outright what I want. Yet when he's too tired or otherwise mentally "off", what I say doesn't really register at all. It's like he's in a mental fog of some sort.. But I don't think these other guys can blame any similar affliction (though of course, I can't know that for sure). 

In conclusion: I suck at asking directly for what I want, when there's a chance I can be rejected... But damn, guys REALLY suck at taking hints too.