Monday, October 11, 2021

Gentle cock-sucking D/s

Although we really had the deck stacked against us this weekend, and a lot of stuff DIDN'T work out, I still had a really good time with Arthur. First of all, we did A LOT of cuddling. That bit was wonderful, it's something I've been craving and it was just wonderful to be touched by another human being. Someone I know and trust and want. We cuddled in bed, on the couch, in the shower, and he even held me when we were out and about. At times, he also made me feel really desired, and that's also something I've been missing a lot. For those reasons alone, the weekend was worth it. 

We played with some very, very light bondage. I "tricked" him into playing with me a bit, under the guise of teaching him a few basic rope techniques. He saw my reactions when my hands were tied, and got inspired to play with me a bit more. He didn't have the mental stamina to do more than the shortest bursts, but that was a lot better than nothing.

I also had him try spanking me, using both his hand and various implements. There was no real play there, just a very technical "show&tell", but it was important to have it done. I know he finds the idea of hitting someone really difficult and scary, so I'm very happy he was willing to try it out. I have no idea whether spanking will ever be a significant part of our dynamic, but at least he's tried it now. And it didn't harm either of us, so maybe he'll be less afraid next time. 

The three best sessions we had this weekend, were all on the couch and all involved me sucking his dick. Damn, I love sucking dick! It's practically a fetish of mine. The first time, he came in my mouth and I swallowed his entire load. That's something I haven't done since I was a teenager. I don't particularly like it, and I gaged once trying to get it down.. So in itself, that's not an amazing experince. But it was still awesome because: 

  1. The pure feeling of accomplishment. I hadn't done it in so long, I know I don't particularly enjoy it, and yet I was able to do it. That felt like a win. 
  2. He wanted me to. He had such a hard time expressing that desire a couple of months ago, so it was particularly important for me to do my best to please him. We'd talked about it beforehand and the idea really turned me on. Also: He almost never makes any sounds, but he did then.. So that orgasm must have been unusually good. That made me happy too. 
It was his third orgasm of the day, so both in terms of quantity and fluidity it could have been a lot worse. Still, even though it was fun to have done it, it's not something I want to do again on my own accord (if he gets me properly into "sub mode" and makes me... now that might still work). 

The second best session was pretty much the same as the previous one, except he came on my face. That's also something we've talked about beforehand, and he said he really wanted. I had to specifically ask for it, almost nag, and the angle wasn't great (he was sitting to low in comparison to me, so my face was above his crotch). Those two things subtracted a bit from the experience. But over all, it was awesome. The best part was his reaction to it all. This combination of desire, amazement and glee was wonderful to experience. I hope we can do that again (preferably seated /lying / standing in some other way) many times. 

The very best session obviously also involved sucking his dick on the couch. I was seated at his feet like in the previous two sessions I mentioned. This time, his orgasm wasn't the point. The point was communication, submission and just enjoying his dick tremendously. He enjoys pushing my head down so his dick gets further and further into my mouth and throat. When he wants to get rough, I use my hand as a "stopper" around the base, so the dick doesn't get too far in. I don't enjoy gagging. However, we both really enjoy playing with control. 

So if I remove my hands completely, his hand on the back of my head is the only thing that really controls how deep and for how long I've got his dick in my throat. That excites me. It takes so much trust, and an immense amount of control from him... But it works. He's gentle, he lets me work on relaxing my throat so I don't start clenching up, and he's really good at reading my signals for when I need to get up. It felt really amazing that our communication during that session was both super subtle and perfectly in tune. It felt as though he was reading my mind, and he claims it felt like I was reading his as well. 

We did something similar last time, though not with such perfect non-verbal communication.. However, this time he also added his other hand. I got one hand on the back of my head pushing me gently down... And I got his other hand gently grabbing my throat just under my chin. And O.M.G. that was nice. Not only does it make me really turned on all by itself, but it also made me relax more.. That hand on my throat told me, in no uncertain terms, that I wasn't the one in charge. And for perhaps the first time in well over 15 years, I managed to relax into that feeling and just... be. Just float. THAT was glorious. Thanks to that hand, I was also able to relax my throat even more, getting him a few more millimeters in than I did without his hand there. And I want to do it again. I want more!

Also, he called me a good girl.. I hadn't expected it to work, but it really did. I want more of that as well. I want to please him. I want to make him proud. I want to be good, for him.

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