Friday, May 23, 2008

Mutual masturbation

T and I haven't had sex in ages, because he's hurt himself. Any sharp movements or odd angles hurt. But just because we haven't had penetrating sex doesn't mean we haven't done other sexual activities.

Just this other night is a good example: We were going to bed, and were supposed to sleep. He'd just showered and still smelled nice and clean, and I knew his dick would be completely clean as well. I'd wanted to give him a blow job for several days, so that's exactly what I did. It was very nice. I genuinely enjoy giving blow jobs. He jerked off while having a tit in his mouth and a hand on my ass. I really felt involved, which is nice.

He went to the bathroom to clean up, and I wanted to come as well. So I started playing around with my vibrator (the pink one). I wrapped myself into my cover, to restrict my movements as much as possible. A little self-bondage there. When T got back from the bathroom, he laid on top of me, making it even more difficult to move. And just like that, with a vibrator on my clit, I came. It was nice. I enjoy involving him sometimes, and have done similar things several times before.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


When I masturbate (or whenever I'm horny really), I don't have a video playing in my head. I don't imagine scenes at all, really, and I especially don't have any faces. I might imagine what I would describe as still frames, photos, but with sensations.
FLASH! The feeling of being bound.
FLASH! Knowing I'm watched.
FLASH! The feeling of being spanked.
FLASH! A cock entering my pussy.
Just single flashes of sensation, no action, not much of a setting and no background information. Sure, I enjoy reading erotic stories, but I don’t fantasize about them later on. I don’t have a movie playing in my head.

And like I said: Even in those single flashes of emotion and sensation, there are no faces. There never has been. I don’t dream about my boyfriend when I’m masturbating. Or a movie star for that matter. I don’t dream about anyone, because I’m so focused on ME. My feelings, my emotions, my sensations. Faces are unimportant, because there is no story, no action, where they are important.

Last night was different. I was lying in bed, unable to fall asleep, fantasizing about one particular girl. The face, the body, the voice, the hair, the posture. Everything. Still, there wasn’t much action, but there was definitely more than still frames. I’ve never experienced that before. Not even with people I’m madly in love with. It’s odd. Must mean I really want that girl. It’s not love. Has nothing to do with love. It’s sex. I want her.

And no. I’m not telling who it is. Perhaps it’s you. Perhaps not. I won’t tell. 

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Unhealthy things

I don't like to do things that are obviously unhealthy or dangerous. Like needle-play, blood games or breath-control. No, it (probably) won't kill me. But messing with the body's natural functions or purposfully breaking the natural barrier of the skin... It dones't feel right. Same reason I don't want piercings, I suppose. Sure, they look cool on other people. Just like breath control sounds kinda fascinating. But it's just not for me.

In this same cathegory comes breast torture. Sure, a mild version of breast bondage is ok. But honestly: Nipples that are pulled as far away from the body as they can go, and then some.. Red-blue boobs that look more like some exotic fruit than a breast.. There's NOTHING sexy about that. Scary, that's what it is. And not in a good way.

At least, that's how I feel.