I try to brainstorm a bit.. What are the things I have done as a dominant, that have really turned me on? What do I really love to do or experience? What do I dream about?
Things I've done that I loved:
- Worn a strap-on
- Used a strap-on to fuck a guy in the ass
- Given someone pain, just because I want them to hurt. And they enjoyed taking it, for me.
- Made someone learn how to bundle my ropes the way I like them (because why should I do the clean-up, if I can make someone else do it for me?)
- Taught someone how to make my tea the way I like it. Made them ask if they may make me tea (it's a lot easier for me to accept letting them do it as a favor to THEM, rather than as a requirement from me).
- Made someone watch my pussy (and my body, but mainly my pussy) while I masturbated. (Because I'm an exhibitionist. Although this didn't work out so well in practice, because they weren't comfortable with the experience at all. And I'm very sensitive to other people's feelings, so it kind of threw me out of the headspace a bit.)
- Used a title. (Only ever happened in one relationship. Didn't think I'd like it, but turned out I really, really did.)
- Sucked cock (but I will start disliking it, if they aren't into it. Yeah, I love sucking dick, but it's not COMPLETELY unrelated to the reactions and feelings of the person attached to the dick.)
- Had piv sex regularly
- Made someone come, given them pleasure.
- Shibari. But that's not mainly sexy. That's more zen, and it feels like an accomplishment.
- Receiving a massage from someone who isn't sighing or complaining about it, and whom I don't have to constantly watch for sign of whether they don't really want to do it or not. Where I'm the one stopping when I'VE had enough, not when I think they've had enough.
- Having someone basically be a dildo/vibrator-holder while I masturbate. (Again, where I don't have to continuously watch out for their uncomfort or whether they don't really want to do it. And not when I'm pushed into it, because someone else decides they'd like to see me come.)
- Fucking someone (piv sex) with complete disregard for their pleasure or comfort. (Would probably need to fuck a strap-on for that to be possible, but it could still be fun.)
- Given someone chores to do around the house to make my life easier and more comfortable... And having them continue to do them, without continuous supervision and without forgetting after a week or two. So I could check at any time, and they could tell me where they're att with this week's chores (This is NOT the same as someone choosing for themselves, or we agreeing, that they should do certain parts of the household chores. This is SPECIFICALLY chosen by me, to make MY life easier. This WOULD be designed to tilt the "who does the most around the house" scale more towards them and less towards me. And they should remember that they're doing it, not because it "needs doing", but because I told them to.)
But several of these are really quite vanilla. And even those who aren't... That isn't a very extensive list for someone who's been in the BDSM scene for over 18 years. I'm pretty sure there should / could be a lot more on both lists, but I'm simply not in-tune enough with my own emotions or desires to know what else I could write.
And considering all the other chaos in my head right now, I don't have the space or the spoons to unpack this anymore right now. Gender takes precedence over sex right now, since I don't have that much of an active sex life anyway and gender is such a big part of my identity.