Thursday, February 24, 2011


Note: Check out the blog entry on play modes from December 21, 2009 I feel it is connected to this one, in a way.

I played with Corvus on Tuesday, at a munch in the BDSM club here in Oslo. Started out with bondage, which evolved into a kind of "show-and-tell" because people wanted to learn how it was done. We left the main room for the smaller play room in the back, and continued the bondage experience there. A lot of new and new-ish people were there, and wanted to learn more. I love talking with new people, making them feel welcome. It's important to me.

Our play moved from pure bondage, which can be a fairly social experience, to a more serious S&M kind of thing. I'd planned to give Corvus a proper spanking, as it's been a while since we've played much with pain. There were two other groups in the room, involved in play, and they were fairly social. As they were all fairly new, I sometimes voluntaired comments or answered questions they asked. They didn't disturb us on purpose, I was simply unable to keep focused on what I was doing with Corvus.

After playing for a while, trying my best, we stopped and left the room. I had a strong urge to talk with him about what happened, and tell him how sorry I was for getting so distracted all the time. Though he admitted that this play session hadn't worked out very well, he didn't seem upset or disapointed. At least not near as upset as I was.

I think this affected me so strongly, because I know what it's like to be the sub in such a situation. I've experience playing with someone, trying to reach that sub-mode, that mental place where I'm owned and safe and small... And the Dom just wasn't taking the journey with me, wasn't even trying. He kept getting distracted, talking with other people and such. This upset me, because it felt as though he didn't really wish to play with me. When I play, I want to be my playmate's first priority. I want the focus to be on us. If such a situation happened now, I'd probably think: "If you don't think I'm important enough, if you don't really want to play with me, then go away. Either take this seriously or stop faking it."

As this is how I've felt, and in my mind still feel, when I'm the sub... You can imagine I felt pretty bad about behaving like this when I was the Dom. I'm very glad that Corvus didn't take my approach to this situation. He didn't get as upset as I know I'd have gotten. Still, I felt pretty bad about it. In fact, I still feel bad about it.

In hindsight I should have done something. Either gotten a hold of myself and stopped getting so distracted (which I doubt I'd have been able to). Or taken Corvus with me and gone somewhere else to play. Or stopped the session alltogether. It's a lessoned learned. I hope I won't make this same mistake again.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

A short summary of last week's events

Played some more with Corvus last week.

I've started teasing him, turning him on and then denying him the pleasure of comming. That's fun. I just love waching him squirm and moan with pleasure, knowing his pleasure is mine to control. :)

I've also practiced verbally abusing him, humiliating him by calling him names and making him feel small and worthless. It's... Tricky. It feels so fake, it makes me feel awkward and it's difficult to think up nasty things to say. Though in a way, it's fun too... Because it's a challenge. Corvus seems to like it, otherwise I probably wouldn't have bothered. But since he enjoys it, I might as well see if I can grow to enjoy it too. I want to get better at this, being able to do it effortlessly. Another wepon in my arsenal. Then I'll decide wether I really like doing it or not.

Last weekend, Corvus licked and fingered me to another orgasm. He's getting better at that. This time he didn't just enjoy that I was enjoying myself, he was actually getting turned on by it. That makes me feel a bit less selfish, so that's a good thing.

One last thing that's been going on: Corvus is now walking around with high heeled women's shoes in public. He's worn stiletto boots at the BDSM club, for everyone to see and admire. And he's worn wedge heeled boots around town. He might eventually get a few nasty reactions from people, but so far everything has gone well. I'm really proud of him for stepping out of the closet, showing off his fetish like that for everyone to see.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Submissive Corvus: Proof of concept

This blog entry for the night and I'm finally à jour on all that has happened these last couple of weeks.

We'd agreed to meet on Wednesday to play, as we didn't play on Tuesday. (The suspension wasn't a part of the plan. :P ) As I was saying goodby to Corvus Tuesday evening, I'd scratched his neck and inadvertedly he felt himself drop into a sub-mode. It was very unexpected, and I didn't push it any further that evening. However, it gave me hope that his submissive side might not be as far burried as I'd previously thought. Perhaps it might not take a couple of months for it to resurface?

Still, as we started playing on Wednesday afternoon, I had no expectations of dominance and submission. I really didn't want to push him into anything he didn't feel ready for. So I tied him in a hogtie, and like before I left him alone and sat down to read. I sat next to him on the floor in stead of on the couch, because I wanted him to get the same sense of closeness and safety as last week in the car.

He didn't go into the trance-like state that he'd experienced last week. I'm not sure why, but I think the surroundings was part of it. By now, both of us are actually feeling safer and more relaxed in the car. Despite the obvious limitations of such a cramped space. After less than half and hour, his body language expressed that he wanted to be touched. After a bit of light petting, I took it up a notch.

And to my great suprise, the same actions that had brought him down the previous evening, again put him into a submission mode. He told me, which was a good thing. I'm no mind reader, and I really don't want to guess at such things and then make the wrong assumption. He also told me to take advantage of it while I could, because he didn't know how long it would last or when it might happen again.

And then began an hour or so of more intense playing. I didn't really DO much that was so different from last week... But the intension behind it, and how it was recived by Corvus, was different. Looking into his eyes, I could see the difference. And apparently, he could see it in mine too. He claims my entire being gets this dominant glow when I'm really into a dom/sub play session with him. He's probably right, though I never think about this myself.

At one point he said he wanted to be brought all the way down, shown who's boss. The way I usually do this is by administering physical pain. However, hurting him physically with the intent of making him cry, makes me think of the time just after New Year when everything went wrong. And so it still feels a bit sore, to me. A bit uncomfortable.

I needed some other way to "show him who's boss", and suggested I could fuck him with a strap-on. That ought to show him! We've never done that before, in fact although I actually own two strap-on harnesses I've never done that with anyone. After a few seconds of hessitation, he agreed. We talked about it a bit more, making sure that he was up for it. He was.

And so I put him in a PVC dress and proceded to fuck him with a strap-on. It was fairly impractical and not as hot as I'd imagined, but I did make it work. And it did have the intended humiliating effect on Corvus. That was the point, and so I'm fairly pleased with how it went down, although there's certainly room for improvement. I never imagined having a cock attached to your body would make fucking so impractical. I know where my pussy is, have known for years. This nerveless prastic potrution was a lot trickier. I admire men who walk around with such a thing every day... I realise now that using a dick actually takes a fair amount of practice. Just the angles! I've never really stopped to concider the angles before... An interesting new point of view.

After fucking, he still wasn't all the way down where he wanted to be. I knew he wanted to be properly broken very badly, so I hurt him 'till he broke. It didn't take much. What little pain I did give him, still felt a bit odd to me. Not wrong, precicely, just odd. Uncomfortable. I'll need some time to get used to that again.

He cried, I comforted him. We talked through it, made dinner and then talked more. He wore the brown collar I gave him about half a year ago. He was mine again, if only for a short while. I doubt it'll last, but it was very nice to have him back even for such a short while. He still has a submissive side which he's able to enjoy. Just like with the suspension the day before, this day also felt much like a trial run. Far from perfect, but certainly enough to proove the concept.

And to quote my Fetlife status update: "Fuck yeah, THIS is what I'm talking about! *grins madly*"

Suspension: Proof of concept

Tuesday this week, we WOULD go to a much. And to ensure that we'd actually end up there, we decided (well, I decided) that we shouldn't play beforehand. In stead, we'd meet the following day to play.

The munch was nice. I haven't been there for a month, and when I was there last time I really didn't enjoy myself. Corvus was going through a really rough period, and I felt sad and abandoned and alone. Really not the right mood to be social and have fun. Anyhow, enough remenissing. This time, it was very nice.

An added bonus to the evening was a guy performing suspension in the main room of the club. This is a fairly uncommon occurence. Earlier that night, I'd showed the guy a bondage picture from Rhianna's newest music video "S&M". The hip-harness fascinated me, and I was wondering how it was done. The guy said he'd do something similar fairly shortly, and invited me to watch. So I sat pretty close and asked a few questions (after making sure questions were welcome).

It's probably the fourth or fifth time I've seen suspension done live. Every time the possition of the "suspendee" was different, so there's been no repetition. This time was different from the other times, as the technique the guy used was fairly simple. After waching, I felt fairly certain I could replicate it. Perhaps not perfectly, but well enough that it might work for me as well.

An hour or so later, I brough Corvus into the play room, where we proceded to try out that particular bondage technique. I needed to make sure I could make it work, while I still had someone available who might help me if I misremembered. To my pleasure, I remembered it well enough. And once Corvus was all tied up, it was too tempting not to attach him to the celing to see if I could make him fly.

It was very much a "don't try this at home"-kind of thing. The ropes were the old community ropes that the club has available for it's visitors. The attachement point was a pig-tail shaped hook in the celing. Gods know how long it's been there or how it was attached in the first place. The ropes might snap, the hook might fall down, not to mention that neither I nor Corvus had ever done suspension before. It was far from safe.

However, it was safe enough that I would risk it. The elevation wasn't high and Corvus had partial control so he could probably have saved himself if he'd fallen. We took the risk, and it was worth it.. Because it worked! I have done suspension for the first time and it was AWSOME! Corvus was 100% off the ground, hovering in mid air with only ropes supporting him. And I'd made it happen, all on my own. No one to help me, no one to teach me. Fuck yeah! Did I mention awsome? AWSOME!

It was far from perfect. We (I) need more practice placing the ropes on the right area of the limb, as well as balancing the different body parts. The weight on is distributed differently on Corvus and on the female "suspendee" that the guy had used for his demonstration. So we need practice. And better equipment. Still, he was off the ground and in bondage. It was suspention. We prooved we could make it work. I made it work!

How not to go to a much

Tuesday last week, Corvus and I were supposed to go to a munch at the local club. We met up after work and did a few erands, before parking the car and getting in the back. The "Dungeon Express", as it's been so fittingly named. We'd agreed only to play with the bondage fetish that day, no submission/dominance and nothing heavy or intense. He'd been very much involved beforehand, planning the session with me.

I locked leather cuffs on his wrists and ancles and tied him in a hogtie. I lay on his side, as this was what he said he'd prefer. He was left alone for about an hour. The car isn't big, so as I was sitting next to him reading silently to myself, we touched occationally. It was nice to have such a close contact with him, and yet being separate. The close confines of the car made it all feel safe and just very nice.

After about an hour or so, he needed to move his limbs a bit. I loosened the hogtie and tied him with his arms in front in stead. Then I proceded to play a bit with him. Nothing heavy: Petting, stroking, scratching and gentle use of my mouth. He told me I could be a bit more rough, and so I was. Still nothing really heavy.

Beforehand, I hadn't expected the play to go much further than that. However, I hadn't taken into account the effect this had on Corvus. He got very horney, and although THAT was expected, I hadn't expected him to want to do something about it. So while his hands were cuffed together and I was leaning over him, pinching his nipples and biting his ear lobes, he jerked off. And came. It wasn't easy for him, he even got a shallow wound on his hand from the edge of a cuff, but he did it.

And although it wasn't submission and dominance like we'd done before, it was still fulfilling. I enjoyed seeing him enjoy himself, I enjoyed the physical power given to me as I tied him up and teased him. I admit, I missed the mental submission, but I was prepared for it.

Oh, and we never made it to the munch that night. In stead, we spent the evening in the car, cuddling and talking through what had happened and how we felt about it. As the day ended, I was expecting all our future play sessions to be somewhat similar for at least another few weeks. Possibly a couple of months. As my next blog entry will show, that was not the case.