Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Love is not a bathtub

12th of November 2014, Saint and I had one year anniversary. We've been playing for a year. It's the longest relationship I've had to a submissive ever, my previous ones ended after 8-11 months. And this is showing no sign of ending anytime soon. One of the reasons this has lasted so long is because he's more than just my submissive. We are friends, lovers, confidants, and yes in a weird way almost boyfriend / girlfriend. Kind of. And I love him.

I sleep with him most nights, he takes care of me when I'm sick and comforts me when I'm sad. And yes, he let's me hit him, hurt him, tease him, tie him down, fuck him and enjoy him. BDSM is alway a part of what we do and who we are.

You might be wondering about T. And yes, we're still married, we still love each other and want to spend our lives together. That hasn't changed, and hopefully it never will. :)

T has a girl as well. She's his lover, and kind of his girlfriend. They love each other. I really like her, and can clearly see that she's good for him. Unfortunately, she lives on the other side of the country, so they don't see each other as often as they would like.

So there's T and I, T and his girlfriend and me and my boyfriend. And we're happy. Society is telling us that this shouldn't work, that someone should be jealous or someone should be leaving one parter over the other. But as far as I can tell, in our case society is wrong. We are making this work. It might not work forever, but it's working now. And it's been working like this for about a year. Despite what society tells us, we're happy like this.

Love is not a bath tub. One doesn't have to leave to make room for another. There is always enough room, enough love.

Though time certainly isn't as infinite, there are always priorities to make about when we hang out with whom. The schedules have become rather complicated and there's never enough time or energy to do all that we want to do. But there's always love.

Love is not like a pie, hand out a few slices and you're done. Love is like pi, irrational and never ending.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Our version of tease and denial, also known as edging

I'm holding him and he's holding me, as he lies on top of me. He used to have this idea that subs couldn't be on top, but I've shown him otherwise. There's no doubt in either of us, who's in controll of whom.

We're making out, wildly, can't get enough of eachother. I can feel his cock against my thighs, teasing my lips just a little, as we grind against one another. I forcefully drag my nails up his back and over his shoulders, and I can feel his gasps and labored breathing against my face and mouth. I grab his collar and drag him even closer towards me, making him kiss me again. His lower lip gets caught between my teeth, and I bite down on it. Hard enough for some serious pain, but not enough to cause any bleeding. At this point, he's so turned on, the pain doesn't bother him much. In fact, it turns him on, because he knows that hurting him is something I love.

I push him away from me. He grabs the condom layed out next to the bed and puts it on. We've done this enough times now for him to know the drill. I reach for his dick and slip it inside of me. We both gasp at that first entry, remembering again how very, very good it feels to fuck. A few shallow thrusts, to further lubricate my pussy, and I use the time to gently flick at his nipples. They are bascially like "on"-buttons, turning him on even more. Just the faintest touch makes him grasp, his eyes rolling up into his head, his hips thrust forward involuntarily. As I like being the one in controll, his involuntary movements turn me on even more. He's definitely not the one in charge.

The next few (very few) minutes are spent making him hornier and hornier. I put my legs up on his shoulders, and feel him pushing his cock deep into me. I grab his collar, kiss him, fondle him, bite him, and over all: Play with his nipples. And not just some pretty petting, but serious grabs and twists. The goal is to get him to the edge. The edge where he KNOWS that just a thrust or two would make him come. Then, and only then, may he ask my permission to come.

"Please, may I come?"
I laugh at him, "of course not!". He lies perfectly still inside of me, waiting for the edge to receide. "Your orgasm is mine. I own it. Of course you may not come!" I smile at him, and start flicking at his nipples again. Too soon for his tastes, he's barely gotten back off the edge, but he can't help but respond to it. His hips start moving again, and he groans.
Another handfull of thrusts, while I'm pulling at his nipples.
"Please, please."
"No!", I say, forcefully. "But I enjoy hearing you beg. Just like I enjoy denying you." Another few seconds of cooldown, and again I start him back up. Way too soon. His eyes close, there's almost nothing left of the evolved humanbeing. This is just primitive sex. And just enough D/s to restrain him.
"Oh, please!"
He collapses on my chest, his breathing is more like sobs. "Thank you!", he whispers passionately.
I give him a bit longer now, and change the possition of my legs a bit, before pulling his head down towards my face. As we kiss, our hips start to move again, and when I let him up he's well on his way towards a new edge. When I grab his nipples this time, pulling them down towards me, he's suddenly right there on the edge.
"Please, may I please come."
"No, my little fucktoy. You may NOT come." After ensuring that he's moved away from the endge, I suddenly use my nails on his back again. This time really hurting him, and forcing his hips to thrust, moving his dick as far into me as it will go.
"Fuck me!!", I growl at him, as I scratch him again. "Fuck!"
And he bravely fucks on, and on, knowing that the likelyhood of me ever answering "yes" to his question is very, very slim. And we both love it.

Over the past couple of weeks, we've replayed a version of this scenario countless times. Sometimes several times per day. Mostly, he doesn't get to come. I let him continue to play on the edge for as long as he wants, pulling him up there and letting him down as the whim takes me. Usually he gets too sore to continue within 15-30 minutes, but his mind is still screaming at him to do it again. And again. Because he's SO turned on. We don't count them, but I bet he edges 50 times during each session, at least.

I don't push him much, because I don't need to. He pushes himself, and when he thinks he really can't take anymore, he begs me to stop him. Once he starts begging, I typically edge him a couple of times more, just to show him who's in charge, before letting him go. Sometimes, I've sat my wet pussy down over his face and had him lick me, and then made him edge again by jerking off. No cumming, of course, unless I say so.

I've given him a couple of ruined orgasms this way, having him hold still, pull out or in other ways stopping all stimulus just at the right moment. I've also permitted him a few orgasms. Typically one or two per week, but sometimes more. Once I made him come three times in a day! His orgasms are only permitted after edging countless times, which makes them MUCH stronger than if he'd just come the first time around.

He never know beforehand whether I will answer yes or no when he pleads to come. 99% of the time, it's a no, so when he hears me say "Yes. COME!", it becomes so much more powerfull. He really can't hold it back, some kind of primitive lizard-creature takes over his brain. He comes, and moans and shakes and sweats, the orgasm lasting many times longer than it normally would. Then he collapses over me, thanking me profusely, completely worn out and so sore that it hurts just to pull himself out.

I love denying him. I also love making hime come. His orgasms are mine, just like his dick, and his head and the rest of his body is mine. I love being in controll of him. And he loves it too, all of it. That's what makes tease and denial so awesome!

Monday, February 3, 2014

First attempts at figging (shoving a ginger root up the submissive's ass)

Saint and I have been playing for about two months now, and I keep comming up with new things I want to do with him. About a week ago, I tried figging for the first time.

For those who don't know, figging is the practice of placing a prepared ginger root into a body orifice, with the intention of causing an interesting sensation. Most commonly into the ass like a small butt plug, though I've read about it being pushed into the vagina and even into the uretra. The descriptions I've read vary from "mild tingling sensation" to "felt like my ass was being poked with a burning torch", so I had no idea how Saint would react. As it turns out, he was more in the "burning torch" cathegory.

He'd gotten fairly used to things being shoved up his ass already, as I finger him and fuck him with my strap-on regularly. However, he was prepared for the ginger being more painful than just a regular finger. When I first put it into him, he was thus fairly nervous and clenched up. As it turns out, clenching makes it hurt more. That made him tense up even more, and what we had was a vicious circle.

I took it out after a minute or two, but he kept complaining that his ass really, really hurt for several minutes after that. It kind of freaked me out, as I didn't feel in control of the process. I'd never read anything about any product that would lessen the stinging sensation, but I used some basic deduction and got lucky:

The burn in your mouth after eating spicy food (and ginger is basically a spicy food product, and the inside of the ass is comparable to the inside of the mouth) can be reduced by drinking something containing oil/fat (like tea or a milk-product). I know it's got something to do with the burning spice being oily in the first place, and you remove like with like (which is why you need soap, which is fatty, to remove grease from your fingers, whilst mud can be removed with just enough water). Now, I'm not a chemist, so I don't know the details here, or even if my understanding is right... So don't take my word on it. If you want to try this at home, please do your own research.

Anyway, I quickly took some regular vegetable oil, lubed up my hand and used my fingers to rub oil into his ass. It seemed to help conciderably, and the burning sensation went down to a tolerable level.

After cooling down and talking about it, I whiped away most of the oil and we tried again. This time, he was more prepared for what was coming and managed to relax more. Relaxing, plus the remainder of the oil, made the burning more bareable. The pain level kept going up for the first three-five minutes, and then staying at that level for as long as I kept the root in (13 minutes in total). For the final five minutes, as he seemed fairly in control of himself and more comfortable with the process (though still in conciderable pain), I tried wiggling the root around, slapping his butt and generally trying to see if I could make the root hurt more. Like before, it hurt the most when he clenched his muscles, but he was prepared for it and able to bare it. Still, it was very painful, and he was close to tears several times.

Figging is truly painful, at least for Saint, and in my opinion not something to be done for a lark or as an element of light and fun play. We will probably try again though, because I enjoy hurting him. Next time it will be with a slimmer and longer piece of root, but with the ful understanding that this is ment to hurt. Of course, there's something so lovely in having a guy lie down and give himself over to you in such a way. Especially when he knows how much it will hurt, and how little enjoyment he will get from it. The fact that he willingly submits to it anyway, because he know you take pleasure from his pain... That is just amazing, and fills me with such gratitude. :)

Technical update

I've updated the Pseudonymes page, re-organizing it and hopefully making it easier to use. It's ment as a tool for those who're just discovering this blog, and for those who're reading old entries. It explains who these various people are, and how they relate to me. I you click on a name, the link will take you to the entries tagged with that name (at least for the top handful of entries, so far). Thought that might be useful. :)

Thursday, January 30, 2014

You are awesome!

I was so happy when Rohosub picked up what I'd written about strap-on play, and shared it on his Tumblr. It's a huge compliment, when someone like what you've written so well that they want to share it with others. Of course, I've met Rohosub in real life a couple of times, and he's a great guy, so I figured he did it as a favor to me. You know... You're nicer with people you know, than you are with complete strangers.

But then more people shared it. And more, and more. And still, almost a month after I posted it, more activity is coming in. This is awesome! Reading the list of all the people who've seen my post, and liked or shared it, is such a confidence boost.

So this is a post to thank all of the people who like what I write. All of you who shared, or commented, or pressed "like" on Tumblr. Or who read my blog, and maybe even shared it with others. Thank you. You are awesome! :)

As an illustration, I'm adding this picture, which I also found on Rohosub's tumblr. I showed it to Saint the other day, because he's been struggling with accepting himself and keep saying that he's weak. He's not. He's a strong, masculine, great man. And I'm so glad that he's mine.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Strap-on play, and fucking a man in the ass

Ever since I started topping, and being dominant, I've always enjoyed playing with a guy's butt. Most men are hesitant about doing anything anal, and slowly convincing them that this is something they will accept and with time enjoy, is a process that I really like. I love using my fingers, as well as using various butt plugs and other implements. However, I've always wanted to use a strap-on.

I did some attempts with Tight, but whilst he could eventually handle a small butt plug, he was never able to accept a full strap-on dildo. However, actually fucking a man with a strap-on is something I've always dreamt of doing. And now I've done it.

A couple of weeks ago, I fucked Saint with a strap-on. And it was awesome! It was everything I've fantasized about, and more. The intensity is insane! I'm inside of him and he can feel every single movement I make. Our eyes meet, our breathing syncronize and I just feel so connected to him. Lying on top of him, feeling him clenching and uncleanching his body beneath me. His breathing, ragged and soooo turned on by it all, yet still uncertain and a tiny bit scared. So sexy! His moans and groans as I push deeper and deeper into him.

I've owned a strap-on for many, many years, but never had the oportunity to try it out on anyone. It's a leather harness, with black rubber dildos. One into him, and one smaller one into me. A couple of years ago, I also bought a simpler harness, that is just straps. It gives less support but is easier to use. It doesn't come with it's own dildo, but I bought a lovely pink one that fits very well. The black strap-on cock is significantly larger than the pink one, but I like the pink one the best even so. There's something wonderfully demeaning about fucking a big, strong man with my pretty pink cock.

Having actually fulfilled my fantasy of fucking a guy with a strap-on, my fantasies are now taking it all a step further. In my mind, when I masturbate, it's not an artificial dick. It's MY dick. Don't get me wrong, I love my body and I love being a woman. I wouldn't exchange it for a man's body, not ever. I like my breasts and I love my pussy and my clit. I love how it all works and feels.

And yet, sometimes when I masturbate, I fantasize about having a penis of my own. I image that the things I feel on my clit, is actually felt on the tip of a penis. That the thrusting movements I make with my hips, are thrusting movements inside of somebody. I've kind of done this in real life already, just without the sensation of an actual dick. So I imagine that I'm doing things exactly like when I use a strap-on on Saint, but in stead of a fake cock I dream that it's MY cock. That I'm taking him, controlling him, devouring him, possessing him. Fucking him. Me.

And that makes me come. Every single time.