Saturday, July 9, 2016

An exhibitionist's dream (Showboat part 3)

I'm an exhibitionist. The idea that someone gets turned on by watching me, turns me on. The idea that someone I don't know, and who don't know me, sees me and gets turned on by me, turns me on. The idea that someone might accidentally see me in a sexual setting, and get turned on by it, turns me on.

It's my oldest kink. I remember realizing that I was an exhibitionist when I was 13 years old. I was at a nudist beach in Oslo with my mum, and an older man (probably in his 60ies) lay down uncomfortable close to us on the beach. He lay sideways, watching us. Watching me. And his dick was semi-hard. He wasn't touching himself, not doing or saying anything inappropriate, just watching. Being turned on by me.

I knew I should be grossed out by it, or scared, but I wasn't. I got horney too. Back home, I did an internet search on the phenomenon and found my label: Exhibitionist. That summer, I took several long walks in the forests around my home.. Wearing short skirts and no panties, laying down in semi-secluded spots and masturbating. Imagining that someone was watching me from the bushes.

Since then, I haven't done much to scratch my exhibitionistic side. Sure, T and I had sex once in front of people, at a cabin trip with a group of BDSMers. It was kind of clunky and didn't work out as well as it could have. It was fun to have done it, but like most things it works better in my fantasies than in real life. Sure, I've walked around without underwear sometimes, and I've played topless at our BDSM club several times. I've had sex in the water at a beach once.. But most such situations don't really work as well in real life as they do in my mind. Or they don't work at all, because they feel practical and not sexy. Also, I don't want to put unknown people in uncomfortable situations. Random people usually don't expect, or want, to see other people naked and touching each other. I also struggle to orgasm if I can see or hear people I don't trust or know really well. That also puts quite a damper on my exhibitionist side. 

Saint has fingered me once or twice, sitting on the floor in a rather secluded spot in our BDSM club. People could see us, but most don't even notice we're there. That has scratched my exhibitionist itch, sure. It turns me on relentlessly, but the people walking back and forth, talking and laughing, are a distraction. I can't orgasm in such a setting, I just get really horny and frustrated. 

Anyway, last night at Showboat... Everything just worked.

After we'd finished with our session, we went back upstairs for some cuddling and aftercare. We found a secluded spot, a huge empty couch in a dark corner. From this spot, I could still see most of the dance floor, one of the staircases from the basement, and one of the smoking rooms. They weren't that many meters off. But the dance music was loud, so I couldn't really hear anyone not inches from my face. We were clearly visible to others, but not really obvious. Not in-your-face.

We sat talking and cuddling for a while, and then I took Saint's hand and placed it on my crotch. He started stroking and petting me, through my pants and panties. I grew more and more turned on, while I was watching people walking and talking just a few meters away. I removed my pants and pulled my panties aside, and he kept stroking me. (I'm on my period, so no unplanned fingering at this time of the month.)

Eventually, I couldn't stand it anymore. I removed the panties as well, and started touching myself. Now, I usually never orgasm without the aid of a vibrator, but I know that I can do it. I just do it very rarely, in fact so rarely that Saint has never experienced it. The primary reason is that it's both easier and better with a vibrator than without one. But I still know it's possible.

I started rubbing my clit, alternating between having my eyes closed to shut all the people out, and having them open to see all the people. (Yeah, I know, I'm confusing.) 

Like I said, we were in a rather dark area off to the side, but we were still visible. At least a couple of people noticed what I was up to, but they just smiled and passed us by. I was glad for the respect they showed us, by not remaining there or interfering in any way.. No one acted sleazy or stood staring..

Though..  I wouldn't have minded if they stood staring at me, their dick in hand. (As long as they kept a respectful distance and didn't speak or otherwise interrupt me.) As an exhibitionist, the thought that my body or my actions can turn other people on, is part of the turn-on.

So I lay there, touching myself. And I came. In a room full of people, in full view, I orgasmed. Writing about it now, again I'm soaking wet. It was an exhibitionist's dream come true, or at least my dream come true. 

I enjoyed our time at the Showboat. It was a great party and a lovely, intense play session with Saint. But what truly made my night.. Was this. Masturbating myself to orgasm, in full view of other party goers. 

Earlier today, when I had the hotel's jacuzzi to myself, I masturbated again while thinking about last night. A few other people were in the swimming pool and sauna nearby. Anyone could have walked by and seen me, and it would have been awkward and not sexy at all. But I still came, right there. Thinking about last night.

And now, the moment I press "publish" on this post, I will have Saint finger me. And I will orgasm again.

I think this is the single hottest thing I've done in years.

Tie and tease, with latex (Showboat part 2)

Saint and I played twice while we were at Showboat, doing basically the same thing both times. Saint was dressed in a latex body suit covering him from mid thigh to neck (like shorts and a t-shirt, only connected and made of latex). He also wore a full latex hood, with holes for eyes and mouth. (Around his neck was his collar, and I led him around on a leash.) Being a latex fetishist, this was really a dream night for him. I also wore my long latex gown, which he bought for me about a year ago. 

Both times we played, I layed him on his back on a padded bench. I blindfolded him and put a ball gag in his mouth. Already at this point, he was drifting into sub mode. Calm, submissive and horny. I attached his arms and legs to the bench, using some of it's numerous attachment points. Then I started to tie down the rest of his body, using rope. At this point, I had to interrupt our first session, because Saint really wanted to catch the fetish show that would go on at midnight. Once that was over, we went back and started again. 

Both the sessions, this one couple kept watching us. I made sure I stood so that they could clearly see what I did. I enjoy teaching, after all, and don't mind showing off a little. We spoke to them a bit afterwards. He was fairly experienced, a switch who craved to be the sub. She was completely inexperienced, but curious and willing to learn. I explained a fair bit about us and our dynamic. We spoke with them at length after all our playing was done, and they ended up driving us back to Amsterdam. Which saved us 60+ euros on taxi. Very fortunate, and very nice people.

But back to the next play session: 
Saint's legs were spread apart and tied down to the bench. Ropes running across his stomach. His chest and arms tied down to the bench, so tight he could barely lift his head. Gaged. Blindfolded. Covered from mid thigh to the top of his head in latex. Yeah, he was a happy latex- and bondage fetishist, all right.

I then proceeded to tease him, spank him, tickle him, pinch him and stroke him. I used the new crop/tawse on his inner thighs, as well as several other spanking implements. I pinched his nipples, through the latex. I threatened to hit the groin area. I did hit it a few times too, though not as hard as I pretended I would. I spoke to him, asking him to fight against the bondage and really feel how helpless he was. I reminded him that people were watching us. 

I carefully unzipped the latex suit... Just the zipper in the groin area. I let his dick and balls out into open air. The rest of him was still wrapped, hugged, covered in latex. I sucked on his dick and stroked his balls, while alternating between hurting his thighs and stimulating his nipples. I love giving a combination of pleasure and pain like that. It's a real mind fuck.

I then removed the blindfold. He was still gagged. Once his vision had cleared, I carefully and slowly let globs of my spit dribble onto his face. It ran into his eyes and down into the corners of his mouth. My spit worked itself into his mouth, because he was lying on his back, and he had to struggle to swallow while still gagged. He felt humiliated and small and dirty. He knew people were watching us, seeing his humiliation. Seeing his body tied down, his dick hanging out, his face being spat upon. And it turned him on like nothing else I'd done that night! 

It was not only the humiliation, or so he told me afterwards, but the exhibitionism. So says the man who used to hate playing in public. And who didn't like humiliation at all. Who still hates public play and humiliation, to some extent. (I blame the latex. He must have been drunk on it. High. Or something.)

Afterwards, I loosened the bonds, removed the gag and he just lay there. Drifting in subspace. I'd removed my gown, as I was soaked through, and just as he started coming back I lay the latex gown over his face. Getting a face full of latex made him drift again. After a few minutes, he begged me to use the latex gown for breath play. 

I enjoy breath play, and know it turns him on too, so I willingly did as he asked. He started petting his own nipples, and begged to be allowed to masturbate. His dick was rock hard. I told him "no". I wasn't interested in his orgasm, and even if he only edged he'd still leak cum and precum all over himself. I didn't want him to soil himself and his surroundings, not our first time at this club. So even though he kept on begging, I told him "no". I held his head down, one hand pinching his nose, the other one pressing the latex over his mouth and forcing it closed. He used both hands on his nipples, while his hips were rising from the table. He was so horny, he was dry-humping thin air. And yet, I told him "no".

After we'd done as much breath play as I felt like doing, I told him to stop touching himself entirely. And then he just lay there again. Drifting. I was in charge, and I told him we were done.

BDSM / fetish party at Showboat (part 1)

After booking our stay in Amsterdam, Saint did some research and discovered that a large kink event was taking place just that weekend. It's a large, well known BDSM/fetish party that takes place approximately once per month. It's very popular, but luckily we sent emails with some questions a few months before, and managed to get reservations. It takes place a 25 minute drive from the center of Amsterdam, on a large house boat called Showboat. (The rest of the month, the boat is used by a swingers' club.)

We had been advised to come early, so we did. After getting changed and stowing our things into our own private lockers, one of the dungeon monitors gave us a tour. The rules seemed to be mostly the same as in our local BDSM club in Oslo: Clean up after yourself, ask before touching anything/anyone, accept "no" for an answer, keep a respectable distance when people play, and generally don't be an ass.

The major difference between Amsterdam and Oslo was the scale. Showboat is a huge venue! On the ground floor, there was a reception area, toilets, a spacious bar, a large dancefloor, an area for a buffet to be laid out, a kitchen(staff only), two smoking rooms, space allocated for a small kink shop, and several huge, soft couches and other seating areas. There was a DJ the entire night, and dance music was playing loud enough that you had to really speak up to hear each other. The complimentary buffet served both cold cuts, warm food (the paella was really nice), and fruits. At midnight the music stopped for a while, because the dance floor was occupied by a short fetish/bdsm show. The bar and dance floor was fairly well lit with multicolored lights, but there were plenty of dark corners in the seating areas.

In the basement, there were two locker rooms and a "powder room" with mirrors and good lighting so you could get ready for the party. The number on your locker, was also the number on your bar tab. Meaning we didn't need to carry around any money, we just settled our tab at the end of the night. Very practical. There was also the private dungeon of the party hostess, open for anyone to use. That dungeon alone was a bit bigger than the communal play area at our local club in Oslo. It had clear restrictions: Only people playing could enter the dungeon itself. If you only wanted to watch, you needed to stay on the outside and look through barred "windows" in the walls. Also, this dungeon was the only place in Showboat with a clear "no sex"-policy. Everywhere else people were free to do as they pleased, though our guide emphasized that they didn't want the same atmosphere at the BDSM party as you get at a swingers' club (which is much the same as at our local club).

In the basement, there was also two other communal areas for play, both slightly larger than that first dungeon. One was well lit and filled with four padded benches (one with gynecologist style leg rests). This area was close to the showers (not for shy people, they were communal and with only three closed walls), and contained a needle box for those who wanted to do needle play. The second large play area was more dimly lit, soft music in the background. It contained a sex swing, low trusses for rope suspensions, several whipping posts and crosses, and a couch. There was also several smaller playrooms (maybe 4 or 5) with doors that could be closed. Some could be locked from the inside, some could not. You could see into the "private" rooms through small windows, meaning you were never truly private.

We got a really good impression from this party. There were "only" about 180-200 people present, which felt like a fairly thin crowd for such a large venue. (Other people commented upon this being a very slow night, probably because of the summer holidays.) Also, a lot of people started to leave already around 1am, which felt early to me. The bar wouldn't close until 3am, and the basement area not until 4am.

I think it can be hard to come to this party as a single person, maybe especially as a single man. It's not a munch where everyone are chatting, it's a party and I think you can easily feel lonely in such a setting. It was also significantly more expensive for single man than for women or couples. Probably to maintain a semblance of gender balance. While there was no rule against same sex couples, almost all couples I could see were straight. And while there was a surprisingly good gender balance, and surprisingly many dominant women, still the majority was the typical dom man+sub woman. I also didn't see many young people there. The youngest were around 30 years old (like me), with the majority being over 40. So not great diversity over all. Luckily, this wasn't a problem for us personally. We had enough with each other, and just soaking in the atmosphere.

So despite these things, Saint and I had a blast. The other guests were really friendly, and surprisingly easy to talk to. The staff (both dungeon monitors and others) was really nice and welcoming, always ready to answer questions or help out in any way they could. The party has a strict fetish dresscode, which I'm actually quite happy about. It creates a certain atmosphere. People's outfits were amazing, and the aircondition made wearing full latex bearable. The facilities were fantastic. After a long night playing in latex I was soaked with sweat, so taking a shower before changing into a lighter fetish outfit felt divine.

I also really enjoyed the respect people showed for each others' playing. They kept a good distance from us, didn't interrupt or intrude. And when I got involved with something more overtly sexual (more on that exhibitionist's dream in another blog post), people glanced over, smiled, and kept on walking. No one stood and staring at us. (Of course, being an exhibitionist I wouldn't have minded if they'd stood staring at me, with their dick in their hand... But it's the general attitude I'm trying to convey here, not my personal preferences.) People weren't sleazy or disruptive. We all just reveled in each other's kink and tried to enable everyone to have a good time. And we did.

So yeah: BDSM/fetish party at Showboat in Amsterdam. Definitely something I'd recommend!

Guide to BDSM / fetish shopping in Amsterdam

Saint and I are on vacation in Amsterdam. A really lovely city, that has managed to combine old historic buildings with modern architecture and design. Saint has been here several times before, but it's my first time. And I love it here. Walking along the canals. Shopping. Exploring the narrow side streets. Really a wonderful city, even if you don't come here for the alcohol/drugs/partying, like so many tourists do.

We've been here for three days, and so far all we've done is eat, sleep, and go to sex/kink/fetish-stores. No museums (except for the sex museum on our very first day here), no tourist attractions. Just kink-shopping. (Last night we went to a BDSM / fetish party, but that warrants a blog entry of it's own.) Here's a short overview of the various stores we've been to:

The first day, we found a kind of cheap looking BDSM/sex store on a corner at the start of the Red Light District. Not sure what it was called, and he's the only one who didn't recommend any other stores to us. The store had a very good selection of strap-on harnesses, and encouraged us to takes things out of their boxes. The owner even let me try the harnesses on (outside of my clothing, ofcourse), which was very helpful. I'm a larger sized woman, so not everything fits me. After trying on 5 different harnesses, I settled on one that had everything I was looking for: Synthetic materials (not leather), looking neat (nothing pink or fluffy), detachable dildo, changable sized ring, and most importantly: Jock strap style fastenings (not g-string).

Saint and I took it for a test that same night, and we agree it works very well. Now I just want a bigger dildo for it.

I've also bought myself a latex top and a latex g-string (yes, all of a sudden I'm buying my own latex! When did that happen?!?). The string was from a random sex store, and was really cheap. The top was not cheap, but it was SO worth it. It's from a fantastic latex store called Demask, where we got really amazing service. Saint and I spent over 2,5 hours in that store, and I think between us we tried on almost everything close to our sizes. Saint did some latex shopping in Norway right before we left for the holiday, and together with the items from Demask, he's finally got a nice latex outfit or two. He's such a fetishist.

I've also bought a new crop/tawse which stings like hell (Saint loves it). It's from Smart, a store where they make their own leather goods. It was the woman at Demask who recommended Smart to us. Again, great service and a nice chat with the store owner. They have some smart ideas for collapsable spreader bars and adjustable floggers, so we might have to go back there and buy more stuff.

The owner of Smart recommended ROB and Mr.B to us, two BDSM stores mainly focused on men and men's wear. Both these stores had really great quality, and offered to custom make items if we wanted different sizes or looks. We're considering going back to ROB to buy something, because the quality of the leatherwork was really nice, but haven't bought anything yet. At Mr. B, I bought a wrist wallet in this style, approximately. Very handy! Saint also bought some stuff.

Beforehand, I'd been looking at the webshop of Mr. S Leather, and emailed them asking if they had any stores in Europe. They told us about a store in Amsterdam called Underground fetish, that sell their goods. Saint bought some wonderful leather cuffs at this place, having first to go back to Mr. B to get a refund on the cuffs he'd bought earlier that day. Again, amazing service from both stores: Refunds for money (not store credit) usually isn't done in the Netherlands, so Mr. B really helped us out. And while waiting for Saint to come back, the owner of Underground fetish made me tea and chatted with me. Nice fellow.

In every store, we've been searching for more latex clothing for Saint, but everywhere except Demask the largest size has been an extra large (XL). They can all custom make items, but don't have it in stock. Mr. B told us of another kink store called Black Body that specialize in latex for men. They were a bit outside the city center, so we gave them a call: They didn't have any latex larger than XL either, and so we haven't been to their store yet. If you fit into "normal" sizes, I'm sure they're also worth a visit. (I'm a bit disappointed in the general selection of fetish clothing available for larger people, but I expect it's the same everywhere else too.)

So it's been a few busy, sexy days. Amsterdam has impressed me with it's diversity and quality in fetish / kink / bdsm items. The service has been great, most of the stores are within walking distance of each other, and most they speak well of their competitors. If you have a weekend in Amsterdam, I suggest checking out some (or all) of these stores.