Monday, December 21, 2009

Philosophical musings on play modes

Two playsessions with Mondage since I posted last. Here's a summary, as well as some musings of my own:

Last Tuesday: Impulse play session with Mondage. Did some public playing, which didn't give either of us much satisfaction. Then after dark we drove just into the woods close to town, where I tied him to trees. It was about -6 degrees C, so both of us had aloth of clothes on and such. But having Mondage standing upright, tied to two trees, it was still obvious that it turned him on. More than I thought it would, actually. We were quite close to the road, so people passed us quite regularly, which for me made the whole thing extra thrilling. After a while, I pulled down his pants, having him stand with his lower body nude while his upper body was fully dressed. I liked the contrasting image, and wish I'd brought a camera. (Note to self: Do this again sometime, preferable in daylight and a bit further away from civilization.) I eventually had him jerk off while standing upright, a new experience for him. As I suspected, he got quite weak in the knees afterwards, but luckily his legs and one arm was still tied securely in place.

This Friday: One-evening long BDSM Chistmas party. Played around with Mondage, tying him to the furniture, himself and other people. At one point, I hogtied him and shoved him under the table. I also gave him a light whipping with a flogger made of licorice strings (we've named it "kinkorice"). We ended the evening in a private room where I eventually won the Opposed Will Roll, and he came. (When is he going to truly learn that I'm the one in charge? It's not like he's ever actually won!)

I noticed that he does indeed respond better to bondage when he's focusing on me and what's being done to him. In other words: When he's concious on his role as a submissive and my role as the one in charge. He's still turned on by light bondage that he can wear while socializing, but the desired sub/Dom mood where I'm the main focus of his world seems to make him hornier. As oposed to previous play sessions, getting that mood took actual work, and retaining that focus for more than a few minutes was tricky. Probably because there were alot of people around, distracting us both. Once we left the people behind and started playing in a more private room, getting and retaining the desired focus was much easier.

I realise that a divide has grown up between random, light, non-comitting bondage and the more serious bondage/BDSM playing. For me and Mondage, I don't think there was such a divide in the past. I cearly remember when both those "genras" of playing were basically the same thing. That really isn't the case anymore. I don't concider this a bad thing at all, I'm just remarquing upon it because I find the developpement interesting. We're really comming to discover more of his submissive traits, and I feel that I fit more comfortably into the role of the Dominant than I did a few months ago. As I relax into the role, I'm also turned more on by it.

I think a balance between light, "social" bondage and more focused bondage/BDSM play is the ideal. I wouldn't forgo either, as both have their funtions. Now that I'm more aware of this divide, I think it'll be easier for us to switch between these two modes as well. I know some tricks that'll take him into a sub-mode almost instantaniously, and if I just work at keeping him there, we should be able to play seriously in a social setting as well. It just takes more awareness of where we are, mentally, and where we want to be.

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