I e-mailed the "Just a dark mood?" entry to T, because I felt he ought to know about it beforehand and not just discover it online. That's why it wasn't published until today, although I wrote it a couple of days ago.
So today, we talked it over. I'm amazed at how well that went and how understanding and accommodating T is. I wanted more leeway with my toys, permission to do more things to them, to get more involved myself. And I wanted to talk over the already existing boundaries to get clear on what he thought wouldn't be ok and what I'd simply imagined that he wouldn't like.
I'd expected to have to fight, or at least argue for hours, to get even a bit more leeway. I'm not sure why I had such a horror scenario in my mind, I really have no reason to. T has always been very accommodating and understanding, has always allowed me to do what I really wanted. Sure, there have been limits, and there still are. But he lets me express this Dominant side of me freely, so I don't have to hide or feel ashamed. I love him already, but I love him even more for that.
End of the story is that a few hours of talking led to quite a new set of limits. This time, the agreement is twofold. One set of limits for what I may do with random people I decide to play with. And one set for Corvus, and theoretically for others whom I decide to enter a serious BDSM relationship with. I feel this is a very good arrangement. There are still a few sexual things that are reserved for T, and T alone. At least for now. I won't go into details. If you're curious, you can either ask me in person, or you can let me play with you and begin finding out... :P
This agreement enables me to fulfill some of my wildest dominant dreams and fantasies. But just because I may now do these things, it doesn't mean I'll actually do them. At least not anytime soon. I have been given the opportunity, the permission, which means that I'll be better equipped to make decisions on the go. I can practically stop worrying about what T might think of something, and instead focus on what I think. Do I think this is ok? Will the subject handle it? Will it be any fun? Those are the questions that ought to be in focus all the time, and finally they can be.
Thank you, T, for being the wonderful, understanding, accommodating, openminded man that you are. You are very easy to love.