This blog entry for the night and I'm finally à jour on all that has happened these last couple of weeks.
We'd agreed to meet on Wednesday to play, as we didn't play on Tuesday. (The suspension wasn't a part of the plan. :P ) As I was saying goodby to Corvus Tuesday evening, I'd scratched his neck and inadvertedly he felt himself drop into a sub-mode. It was very unexpected, and I didn't push it any further that evening. However, it gave me hope that his submissive side might not be as far burried as I'd previously thought. Perhaps it might not take a couple of months for it to resurface?
Still, as we started playing on Wednesday afternoon, I had no expectations of dominance and submission. I really didn't want to push him into anything he didn't feel ready for. So I tied him in a hogtie, and like before I left him alone and sat down to read. I sat next to him on the floor in stead of on the couch, because I wanted him to get the same sense of closeness and safety as last week in the car.
He didn't go into the trance-like state that he'd experienced last week. I'm not sure why, but I think the surroundings was part of it. By now, both of us are actually feeling safer and more relaxed in the car. Despite the obvious limitations of such a cramped space. After less than half and hour, his body language expressed that he wanted to be touched. After a bit of light petting, I took it up a notch.
And to my great suprise, the same actions that had brought him down the previous evening, again put him into a submission mode. He told me, which was a good thing. I'm no mind reader, and I really don't want to guess at such things and then make the wrong assumption. He also told me to take advantage of it while I could, because he didn't know how long it would last or when it might happen again.
And then began an hour or so of more intense playing. I didn't really DO much that was so different from last week... But the intension behind it, and how it was recived by Corvus, was different. Looking into his eyes, I could see the difference. And apparently, he could see it in mine too. He claims my entire being gets this dominant glow when I'm really into a dom/sub play session with him. He's probably right, though I never think about this myself.
At one point he said he wanted to be brought all the way down, shown who's boss. The way I usually do this is by administering physical pain. However, hurting him physically with the intent of making him cry, makes me think of the time just after New Year when everything went wrong. And so it still feels a bit sore, to me. A bit uncomfortable.
I needed some other way to "show him who's boss", and suggested I could fuck him with a strap-on. That ought to show him! We've never done that before, in fact although I actually own two strap-on harnesses I've never done that with anyone. After a few seconds of hessitation, he agreed. We talked about it a bit more, making sure that he was up for it. He was.
And so I put him in a PVC dress and proceded to fuck him with a strap-on. It was fairly impractical and not as hot as I'd imagined, but I did make it work. And it did have the intended humiliating effect on Corvus. That was the point, and so I'm fairly pleased with how it went down, although there's certainly room for improvement. I never imagined having a cock attached to your body would make fucking so impractical. I know where my pussy is, have known for years. This nerveless prastic potrution was a lot trickier. I admire men who walk around with such a thing every day... I realise now that using a dick actually takes a fair amount of practice. Just the angles! I've never really stopped to concider the angles before... An interesting new point of view.
After fucking, he still wasn't all the way down where he wanted to be. I knew he wanted to be properly broken very badly, so I hurt him 'till he broke. It didn't take much. What little pain I did give him, still felt a bit odd to me. Not wrong, precicely, just odd. Uncomfortable. I'll need some time to get used to that again.
He cried, I comforted him. We talked through it, made dinner and then talked more. He wore the brown collar I gave him about half a year ago. He was mine again, if only for a short while. I doubt it'll last, but it was very nice to have him back even for such a short while. He still has a submissive side which he's able to enjoy. Just like with the suspension the day before, this day also felt much like a trial run. Far from perfect, but certainly enough to proove the concept.
And to quote my Fetlife status update: "Fuck yeah, THIS is what I'm talking about! *grins madly*"