Hyper to demi?

Yesterday evening, I had sex with a cis man for the first time in 3 years. (Or... Well... He claims to be cis, anyway.) We've been chatting on and off for almost two years now. We don't really have much in common, in terms of interests or personality or our lives in general, but he seems really fascinated by my transition. So we've spoken a lot about that. He's bisexual, having mostly had sex with men these past few years, but also been in long relationships with women. 

He's nice, respectful, able to hold a conversation, absolutely not a transphobe, has basic hygiene, and an interested in having sex with me. I've had Grindr hook-ups that were far, FAR worse. He also turned out to be really good at oral sex, and had a beautiful dick. Appearance-wise, he looks like a slightly older, slightly larger version of T. Beard an all. 

All in all, I should be into him. And I'm not, really... This confuses me greatly. I considered just calling the whole thing off yesterday, because I just wasn't into him.. But I'd driven all that way, didn't want to dissapoint him, and really wanted (from an intellectual standpoint) to try having sex with a cis man again. As an experiment. So I went through with it. I'm happy I did, but still.. Very confused. 

I also have an even more extreme example of the same issue: I've seen a couple of men recently that are exaggerated versions of Giant: Tall, strong, blond, bearded vikings. They're gorgeous. One of them is a regular part of the local BDSM community here, so I see him fairly often. He's really, really handsome. I've practically been drooling over him. 

Yet I can't envision myself kissing him, or having sex with him. Trying to fantasize about that yields.. Nothing. Sure, I could probably have sex with him. I don't think I'd actively mind. It would probably be fine. Just like the sex yesterday was fine. I enjoy physical contact, I enjoy the oral, I really like being penetrated.... But is "fine" the goal here? Is "meh" the emotional reaction to be aiming for, when talking about sexual desire?

Because the truth is, I don't feel sexually attracted to any of these guys. So what the FUCK do I mean when I drool over them???

I think it might just be gender envy now. Or at least an aesthetic attraction. An appreciation for masculine beauty... But it's so weird because I can clearly remember being REALLY attracted to both Saint, T, Giant and Arthur. I was in love with them, and I wanted them. I loved men, fiercely. That spark was definitely there. I HAVE been attracted to men.

And now I'm just... Not?

Yesterday I also saw cis two women that I found really attractive. Queer, short hair, masc.. Very sexy. Would I want to have sex with them? I can't really answer that either. It's not a clear "no" at least. I'm obviously, in some way attracted to them, but again: Is it just an aesthetic attraction? I don't THINK it's only that, but I'm really struggling to get a grip on what's going on there. 

Am I becoming demisexual? Do I need a mental connection to really desire someone? 

Because I can absolutely, in a hundred different ways, imagine having sex with Novice. (With her current body, and with a different configuration of genitals.) The idea of having sex with her, turns me on. Soft, romantic sex, as well as kinky, rough sex. Hurting her, biting her, tying her down so she can't escape and forcefully taking her... But also softly, calmly stroking her skin. Gently running my fingers up her spine or carefully teasing her nipples, making her smile as she sighs with pleasure. I want her, in any and all the ways she'll let me. That desire is undeniable.

So what on earth is going on with me? 

Is this all connected somehow to my burnout? Sex with people, means people. And people are exhausting, especially when I don't have many spoons left to begin with. In depressive funks, I typically don't have the energy to be dominant. It's simply too demanding of me. Maybe my autistic brain has expanded upon that, so that most kinds of sex are just too demanding right now? 

Can a hypersexual person in a burnout become demisexual for a while? Or is this something more lasting? Is this really me throwing away the masks of what I should do, should feel, and should be? Letting me really check in with myself: "Do I actually want this?" I don't really think that's the whole answer. Because I DID want this, before. I've not always been this way, I've changed. 

I'm just really confused. I don't really know who I am anymore. I feel like I'm drifting, without oars, rudder or sail. Buffeted by the elements, no idea where I'm headed. I don't know myself. How can I know anyone else, if I don't know myself?

I fucking hope this is just another phase.