Lost my place

I've been a part of the Norwegian BDSM scene for the last 18 years. (Ok, I've been out of it for a few years, because of kids.. But still.) About 90% of that time, I've been solely in the dominant role, even though I'm really a switch. I've been outspoken, clear, teaching others, showing off, and been very, very comfortable in that role. I've also always been a woman.

As a dominant woman in the kink scene, I've always been in high demand. That demand has given me certain privileges: I know I can enter almost any kink event and find willing play partners. I know people will listen to me when I say something. I know I can be aggressively flirtatious without coming off as creepy or threatening, because women very rarely are perceived that way. I know my space, and I've always enjoyed it.

In realizing that I'm not really a woman at all, I also feel like I'm not sure where I belong in the kink community anymore. The role of a dominant woman was very, very comfortable. Well known. Safe. Privileged. In loosing that, I wonder how I will fit into a social kink dynamic. Will dressing masculine, but being read as a woman, enhance my dominance..? Probably. But I'll also probably read as a butch lesbian, so I'll scare some guys off. If I ever get to start testosterone and gain a more androgynous appearance, will how other interact with me change? 

The Norwegian kink scene, at least the parts where I've been, are predominantly white and straight. Sure, there are some queer people, as well as the occational poc... But very rarely have I seen men playing with each other. Dominant men hunt for female partners at "my kind" of kink events.. Not male. So.. If I ever get to that point, should I start seeking out more actively queer kink spaces? Gay kink spaces? I have no idea how that works, or how I'd even find them.. And really no idea if they'd accept me. 

Bah, this is all very theoretical anyway. At the moment I'm being read as a woman, no matter how masculine I dress. So it's a moot point, for now. But it's food for thought, that's for sure.. Who am I going to be, in the kink community? How will my role in the social dynamic change? I don't know yet. And the unknown is scary.