Shake it off

I keep thinking about him. Things we did, things we haven't done but could have, things we'll do next time... I think about stuff that isn't sex/BDSM-related too; How I fit so nicely into his arms, being held and feeling safe. His smile, his voice when we're talking about something completely mundane... But to be frank, my thoughts are mostly about sexual/sensual stuff. Touching his skin, hugging him, his scent, kneeling in front of him and burrying my face in his crotch.. The immemse trust we built over so few days. He made me do thing, love things, I didn't think I'd ever dare.

I send him messages occasionally. Not many, I don't want to be too pushy. Just one every couple of days or so. The replies I get, if I get any, are extremely brief. No emotions, just facts. Honestly, I'm glad I even get that much. That's actually an improvement to how he used to be. 

I knew this would happen, though. He always grows extremely distant after our encounters. I think it's a sort of defense mechanism. Our intensity scares him, I think, because I make him feel things. He doesn't handle feelings very well. Regardless of the cause, I'm abandoned again. Left to think about him, and to work through things, on my own. It's always like this, it doesn't surprise me anymore.

I keep thinking about him, though. I imagine scenarios we could try, or I see flashes of things we did. The memories wash over me several times per day, usually uninvited, and I feel this ache for him. Both figuratively in my chest and more literally between my legs. I need to shake it off, though. It'll be months until I see him again. 

That's the nature of our relationship, the nature of a comet. Intense, hot, amazing when he's with me, but gone for long stretches of time. I know it's for the best. I know that's why we've been able to keep this relationship going for so many years. But I still miss him. Irrationally, achingly. And I need to shake it off.