A moral compass

Elle and I lead very different lives, and I find this to be challenging sometimes. 

I'm fairly straitlaced. Sure I drive too fast occasionally, and sometimes jaywalk, but that's the extent of my illegal activities. I hand back library books on time, I've never tried any illegal drugs, I don't steal hotel towels, I don't shop lift, and I don't buy stuff I suspect is stolen goods. For example. 

Elle isn't like me. I won't go into details, but let's just say her morals are a lot more... Flexible.. Than mine. Sure, she's got a moral code, she's got principles.. But following the law isn't what she does best.. 

She also does stupid shit occasionally. Moments where she just doesn't think at all, does whatever she feels like. It isn't fully her fault, as she's most likely has undiagnosed adhd, but she's still responsible for her own actions. She still needs to face the consequences of them. Lots of people with adhd are capable of following the law (Saint among them).

We've talked about it before, and she's agreed to not smoke when we're due to meet up (or when we're together, for that matter). But we hadn't explicitly talked about other things related to morals and the law. I can't control what she does when we aren't in physical proximity, but I expected her to behave like a law-abiding citizen when we were together. I guess I should have specified more, but I really didn't think I had to. 

It wasn't anything big, but it definitely wasn't right. And I was first furious with her. Then I was disappointed and afraid, mostly for what this could indirectly mean for us as a couple; I really want to be able to trust her. Then I grew hesitant and blaming myself, like I typically do when I try to enforce boundaries. 

In the end, she made things right, apologized to me, and we talked it through. So I think we're good... But I still worry: She claims to want to become more law-abiding, and I believe she genuinely means that. I'm just unsure if that desire can trump her tendency to select the "easy" solutions.. Or to just do stupid shit without thinking.. I really hope it can. 

I don't think we'll survive as a couple in the long run if she doesn't change, at least a little bit. (For example, I wouldn't want her near my kids, as the situation stands today.) But I also worry about my desire for her to change. Do I have the right to demand that of her? Of anyone? At what point does my boundaries for my life, infringe on the freedom of someone else's? Why is speeding seen as no big deal, whilst other minor forms of breaking the law are socially condemned? 

I don't really have any answers. Hopefully, she'll manage to grow a moral compass over time, and stay on the straight and narrow. I hope to be a good role model for her. I love her, I want to be with her, but I'm not willing to grow more morally lenient to do so. That's a line I'm not willing to cross.