Locked

A lot of blog posts from me lately, but that's because I'm having so many new and interesting experiences. I'm writing because I'm excited, not because I'm upset. 

Today, Might and I did something we've been talking about for a while: He chained my hands behind my back, as we were just doing everyday things in his appartement. Well, it started out everyday, with me attempting to tidy and make him coffee and such.. However, it quickly escalated. I know he gets turned on by watching me helplessly struggle and squirm, which in turn turns me on. He knows I get turned on by the bondage and the exposure, which turns him on more, and around we go.

I've had my hands attached behind my back with him a few times before, for example at the party last weekend. The difference this time, was that the leather cuffs were locked. I also asked him to lock my collar on me. Locked with padlocks. Inescapable. 

I could feel myself freaking out. Heart palpitations, cold sweat, shortness of breath, it felt exactly like a (small) anxiety attack. I knew I could very easily dissociate, escape it all, just go cold and detached. However, I refused to let myself do that. I wanted this. I asked for this. Yes, I was freaking out, but I could also feel sub mode lurking behind it. Fighting towards it felt like swimming upstream, trying not to drown on the way.

Even as I'm writing this, I can feel the anxiety again. My head is pounding, I keep forgetting to breathe, I have this urge to close the laptop and just leave this entire situation. This is obviously a big deal to me.  

It was the locks that did it. Knowing that I couldn't just wiggle out in a couple of seconds, or open some buckle or something. At the same time I was fairly comfortable, as opposed to when we've done similar things with handcuffs. So the discomfort didn't take over, I could allow myself to just exist in that trapped space. 

Might handled me so well. I don't think he fully understood what was going on with me, but he was attentive and gave me exactly what I needed: Physical touch, a way to anchor myself to something outside of my own anxious body. At one point he even said it: "You can relax, I'm the one in control now." Loved that. 

We eventually moved to the bedroom, where he blindfolded me and moved my hands to the front. Locking them to my collar, so I still couldn't touch him or really touch much of anything. Then he touched me, fingered me. I just had to lie there, and at first I felt terrible for not giving anything back. However, that's sort of the point when you're in bondage: You do just have to lie there and take it. 

Eventually, he placed the Satisfyer against my clit and (with a few pointers), made me orgasm. Overstimulating me afterwards, like he often does, he made me thrash and moan. Afterwards, he placed my hips on a wedge, so my legs got tipped over my head, and fucked me. Again making me moan, as his dick slowly and firmly stroked my g-spot. Later, I also got to suck on his dick for a bit, and really loved how hard he was and the taste of his precum. I love those clear and obvious signs that this turns him on too. He wants this, as much as I do. 

The entire session happened fairly organically, one thing leading to another in what seemed like a natural way without major breaks along the way. Might wouldn't have been able to execute anything like this a month ago, or even two weeks ago. The growth in him is amazing to see, and I feel privileged to be a part of it.