Painting the colors of the wind

-"Why do you love me?", I ask in a particularly vulnerable moment. "What is it about me that makes you love me?"
-"You're asking me to paint the colors of the wind", you say, referencing a Disney movie we've both seen. "I know what love is, and I know I love you, but I can't explain it or describe it." I wasn't satisfied with that answer, but I let the matter rest. You wouldn't have been able to give me a better one. But I keep thinking about it, and about that allegory. 

Because it's true, you can't paint the wind. Not in a realistic way. That doesn't mean it can't be painted, though. First of all, it's possible to do it in a more abstract way. Just like an abstract painting can express emotions or moods, I'm certain it's possible to paint the wind as well. It's also possible to use lines or colors to suggest wind, much like Disney does in that specific movie during that specific song. More relevant to my original query, though, is painting the wind by painting what the wind DOES. You may not be able to see the wind, but you can see the trees bending, leaves being pulled from the branches. You can't see the air, but you can see dust swirling or someone's hair getting blown into their face. You can't realistically, truthfully, paint the wind, but you can paint the effects it has on it's surroundings. 

I think that leads me to the answer I would have wanted.  Just like I can't see the wind in a painting, I can still be convinced that it's there from the way someone's dress is blown to the side. Of course you can't describe an emotion. It's impossible. I don't expect you to. But you can tell me what effect that emotion has on our surroundings... And that might convince me that it's really there. 

Do I need that from you? Most of the time, no. But in my most vulnerable moments, yes. I need to believe that you love me. I need those words of affirmation. Even if, perhaps especially if, they're difficult for you to express. 

And since I'm asking for it from you, it's only fair that I try to paint the wind myself: 

I love you. It's the sort of love that makes my thoughts turn towards you, like a plant towards the sun, even when we're far apart; I think about something we've done or might someday do, I want to share something with you that I think you'd enjoy, I ponder something you said or some experience we had. You're in my mind many, many times every waking hour, regardless of where I am or what I'm doing. 

Thinking of you makes me feel optimistic. I always look forward to seeing you again. I smile when I think about you, and feel a flutter in my stomach, a tingling, happy sensation. Touching you makes that feeling stronger, and cuddling with you is one of the best sensations in the world. I love touching your body, your face, love having your lips against mine. Feeling you skin against mine, your breathing, your warmth, I can breathe too. I'm home. 

I love looking at you. Observing you when you talk about something you're passionate about, or seeing that quirky little smile of yours when you know you're being cheeky. I love the vulnerability you show me, when you dare to let down your guard. I love looking into your eyes and feeling connected with you. I love those emotional sparks that fly when we really bond over something. Some concept or piece of knowledge that makes us both smile. I love watching you when you really think about something, or when some epiphany you have remind me how bright you really are. 

I love exploring your mind, and through that process also exploring my own. I love how your trust in me, makes me trust myself more. We push each other into new experiences. I grow and develop with you, in ways that would have been near impossible on my own. You make me want to do better, be better, than what I am now. 

Your kindness, gentleness, beauty.. Your empathy, your humor, your mind.. Your strength and vulnerability... All wrapped up in one... all you. Not loving you was never an option. It was never a choice. I couldn't help but fall in love with you, and I'm so glad I did. You make my life better, in every way conceivable. I'm so glad I met you, and I'm so grateful you seem to love me too.

That feeling of love for you, which cannot be described in itself, influences every part of my life, every waking hour, every decision I make. Sure the love, the wind, cannot be painted. Whether it can or not is frankly irrelevant... Because my life is so full of love for you these days, it's impossible to describe any part of it without all of that love shining through. I can't paint the colors of the wind, but when there's a storm, the landscape sure looks different. You can't see the wind, but the effects are undeniable. Love, undeniable.