Sublime loss of control

Novice and I have started experimenting with switching; Me as the bottom, and eventually also more of a sub. It's exciting, exhilarating, and absolutely terrifying. The loss of control is what I crave, what I desire, and it scares me witless at the same time. Yesterday, my hands were shackled to the bed, and they sat between my legs, forcing them apart. I couldn't move, could escape, was wide open and available to them. Exhibitionism dreams. Only my upper body was covered, safe, warm, so top dysphoria wouldn't be triggered.

Then they used my new toy, Zumio E, on me. It's shaped like a pen, with an intensely vibrating tip. They stimulated me way beyond what I would do to myself. No escape, no way to make it stop. Completely out of my hands. All I could do was just lie there and take it. 

Eventually, rolled up on my upper back and spread open even more, I lost control completely. My mind blanked, I couldn't think, didn't know who I was or what was going on. Just for a few seconds each time, but that was enough. That's when my body ejaculated. Ejaculated from clitoral stimuli alone. That's never happened to me before. I could feel it happening, four times in a fairly short time, but it was completely outside of my control.

It was glorious. Sublime. Impossible to really describe with words. I didn't orgasm, but what happened was in many ways better. Because it was so unexpected. So far beyond anything I've experienced before. 

Afterwards, I was a shivering mess of adrenaline. Couldn't stop shaking. I asked for sex, as part of aftercare, because I wanted something ordinary. Something known, something where I'm more in control. So I rode Novice until I came, grinding against one of my new Darque Path grinding toys. 

I felt more myself after that, but 12 hours later I still feel.. Strange. Assume it's some sort of drop, but I don't feel sad or annoyed or anything.. Just a bit out of my mind. Distanced. 

It was SO worth it, though. I want more. Want to do it again! It feels like I've been given a small taste, and that's really triggered a hunger. I've always known I was a switch, but haven't played much on the bottom side since X. Now I've truly gotten to flip the script, and it's... marvelous.