A lot is happening with me and Novice, but it's just.. Good. Not always easy, but natural. Uncomplicated. We've passed three months as a couple now, and I love being with her. We basically live together half the week now, all the time I'm not at home with the kids. We've started talking about this coming summer, casually assuming we're still together then.
Rationally, I know I'm deep in the throws of NRE. I'm not in my right mind, I can't see them or us clearly yet. I'm in love. I don't FEEL irrational, but based of previous experience (with Elle, Cord and Dane, to name the last three), I know my feelings of longevity and stability aren't to be trusted.
4-6 months... That's the time most of my relationships break. And 4-8 is a sort of crucible. If we get through those, we're much more likely to last. We're at 3 months now. The tough parts haven't started yet. I know all this, rationally... But it doesn't feel ephemeral or fragile. My relationship with Novice feels firm, stable, trustworthy, equal, loving. Like two pieces of a puzzle, slotting together, as if they were built for each other. We fit.
I so want to trust that feeling.
And I'm so afraid I'll loose them, just like I've lost the previous ones.
I'm burnt..
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