Sexless, and happy

Novice worries that she's "trapped" me in "yet another sexless relationship". And yes, it's true that we don't have sex these days. That might change soon, or it might not, depending on her dysphoria and how much her insomnia is acting up... But it doesn't really bother me that much. 

Do I want sex, generally? Sure! 

But am I "trapped"? No. 

I have a need for frequent orgasms, to keep my libido from destroying all my higher brain functions... But I can easily get them myself. Satisfyer Pro 2 Gen 3 is magical and wonderful, and gets me all the orgasms I want. I still feel somewhat self-conscious about it, when I go to masturbate while Novice is right there in the small apartment with me.... But she says she doesn't mind, and I believe her. So I'll get over my awkwardness eventually. 

I could get sex, if I wanted to. I could contact NN again, or Student. They'd both probably be up for it. Or I could go back to the swingers club that I visited once a couple of months ago. I didn't get fucked by anyone then, but I could if I'd wanted to. Or I could start surfing Grindr again, if I got desperate enough. I'm not, though. 

I say I want sex, but it's not really true. If I wanted just sex, I could get it. And I don't. 

I want her. Her breath, her skin, her moans, her body, her embrace. I want to be connected with her, give her pleasure, give her my love in a million different ways. Since that can't happen right now, I'm content to wait. As long as there is other ways to form that connection, other ways to show that love, I don't need the sex.

We connect, and love, in a million different ways; We connect through cuddling, through our tactile language of taps, through conversation, through teaching and learning, through laughter, through games, through smiles. We see each other, we understand each other. Even when we don't understand ourselves.

We connect, we love, and I'm content. Not just content; Happy. The sex isn't that important. 

I can't promise this will always be the case. Sex could become an itch I need to scratch, much like the orgasms are now. If it does, I'll deal with it then. Probably by going to the swingers club and get fucked senseless once or twice per month. It's my problem to deal with, and I will. 

I love her. Looking back on 2023, it's all filled with her. Novice. My girlfriend. My partner. My love. On December 3rd, we'd been together a full year. I hope we get many, many, many more.