Radio silence from Might

After the news that Might hadn't performed the treatment for scabies properly, I was (understandably) really stressed out and upset. I started making plans for how to deal with it, explaining to him that we're basically back to scratch. His dad seems to think that doing only 75% of the recommended treatment time should be fine. That the risk isn't that great. And respectfully: I don't care, this isn't his call. 

I agree that 75% is a lot better than nothing, but I'm not willing to take the risk that Saint and my kids will have to go through this process again. Especially since Might already tried treating the scabies earlier this year, and failed. So I'm taking NO unnecessary risks. 

I will consider Might untreated and contagious until I know he's done a full, continuous 24 hours of treatment according to the recommendations. So no "a bit extra on the most important spots". No "it's probably ok without another round". No! He'll do this properly, or I can't be around him. And I don't trust him to do all the right steps without my supervision, he's proven he can't be trusted in this regard.

Might, logically, was very upset. He grew really overwhelmed and sad, obviously blaming himself. As he should. I know he doesn't want to cause harm. However, he then went no contact. Complete radio silence. Causing harm. 

His last message said that he'd understand it if I didn't want to talk with him again. And to be fair, the thought has struck me. However, we have a full weekend together in just a week, and I want us to try to work through this. Yes, he's messed up, but if we work at it we could be ok. However, that won't happen if he runs away from it all. Novice did the same thing, running away from me when she was self-critical or sad, and didn't feel she was good enough.

In what fucking world does running away from a problem EVER fix anything? In what fucking world does it help to leave the person you love hanging? First he messes up, then he just disappears. How does that actually enable him to make amends, or to build up the trust again? He messed up, why am I the one now being left hanging? Shouldn't he be reaching out to me, ensuring that I'm ok, trying to make things up to me? Why does he get to run, leaving me to coordinate and plan and research? 

Why do I always have to be the strong one, the capable one? Why does no one who actually has got their shit together, want to be with me? Why do I always end up with these people that need me to "save" them? 

His silence is leaving me increasingly dysregulated. THAT isn't his fault, directly. It's my own insecure attachment that is freaking out. Silence is interpreted as dislike. Hatred. Certainly not love. Logically, I know he's (like Novice) taking the steps he need to survive. Taking care of himself by stepping away from it all. Regulating himself. It just IS NOT working for me. 

I'm not certain I can do this again. He needs to step up, to prove that he's willing to work on himself and on our relationship. If he isn't prepared to do the work, and ABLE to do the work, then I'm right back to where I was with Novice 6 months ago. I'm not certain I can do that again.