He's said he loves me. I'm still not sure I trust that. He doesn't really feel his feelings much, and everything positive seems very muted. (Because of dysthymia, I guess.) He's never been in a real relationship before, and most of the time his emotions are buried deep.
However, he says he WANTS to love me. Wants to be with me. That I can belive in. I'm obviously good for him. And he's obviously good for me; Letting me explore the bottom role, and doing some forays into submission as well. I feel seen. Appreciated.
He touches me. He's both telling me and showing me that he enjoys touching me. Touching me and looking at me (especially when I'm tied down helpless) turns him on. A lot. Novice used to touch me too, and she seemed to enjoy it, but I never felt attractive in her eyes. She didn't feel or express esthetic attraction like that. As I grew more masc, she also grew more distant (correlation, not causation.. But still.) Belle gave me masc-sounding compliments, but I didn't believe in my own masculinity then. So I didn't believe her at all.
In a way, Might is the first one to ever BOTH see me as something fairly masculine AND make me believe that he actually likes what he sees. It's wonderfully affirming.
I still miss Novice. It's been 10 weeks now, since she ended things between us. I still love her. Not with the same obsessive, all-encompassing fireceness that I used to.. But it's still love.
I don't want to get back together with her again, her leaving was absolutely the right thing for the both of us.. But I still love her. Still miss her. And I still say she was worth it. The fact that I'm moving on now, with Might, doesn't change that. I'm glad I got to know her, glad I learned to love her. She's important to me, and I really hope we can remain friends.
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