Novice finally pulled the plug today. It's June 27th 2024, and we've been together since December 3rd 2022. That's 1 year, 6 months, 3 weeks and 3 days.
Almost 1 year and 7 months in total. And today we're done.
It's been rough, and it's been good. I'm devastated that it's over, but at the same time I understand and respect her decision.
All that's left is untangling our lives. Practical stuff, like packing and moving my clothes, or deciding who gets to keep what items that we've bought together. Removing her from my calendar, deleting my user from her computer. Ordering a new name tag for her mail box, removing my name from her apartment door. An apartment where I've lived for around two thirds of my time, for well over a year.
I feel lost. Can't imagine what my future will be like without being with her every day. Laughing with her, playing with her, just breathing with her.
Like I usually do when I've got a lot of feelings and thoughts, I write. I don't know where this will take me, but it doesn't really matter. I write to regulate myself. To sort through it all, taking a jumble of emotions and memories, and make from it a coherent narrative. Taking a swirl of colors and using them to paint a picture, something that makes sense, something that can be stored and looked upon again later.
This is how I deal with my own emotions here and now, but it's also a future archive of my past. Because feelings don't last. In my experience, thoughts and memories made in an heightened emotional states don't last very well either. Words on a screen, on the other hand; Words stay.
And so I write.
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