And my brain melts

A lot of the play Might and I did today was awkward, weird, and sometimes uncomfortable. However, those memories are fading very quickly. What I'm left with are these: 

Standing on all four, firmly attached by my hands and feet to a metal frame. A slender collar around my neck, loosely attached to another point on the frame. A long, slender dildo penetrating me from behind. Keeping my pussy open and wanting. My knees are spread wide, and my back is arched. A blindfold over my eyes. 

I stand there. Open, yearning, exposed. Waiting. The anticipation in that moment was amazing. The exhibitionism, the bondage, the power imbalance.. I could feel myself getting more turned on by the second, just standing there. 

Then Might touches me. He touches my clit like he did last night, my breath exploding from my lungs. All I can do is moan and whimper. I can't move out of the way, can't close my legs, can't make him stop even if I wanted to. His fingers are doing things to my clit I've never experienced before. 

I feel my self disappearing. The self that is all higher brain functions, rationality, intellectualization, second guessing, and anxiety. All that is left in my brain is sensations. All that is left is the dildo inside of me, and his fingers on my clit, and knowing I can't go anywhere. I just have to stand here and accept it. Floating on a sea of pleasure and intensity and horniness. Somewhere primal, where there is no room for anything else. 

Later, he also bites and scratches me, while playing with my clit. Adding another dimension to the sensations. Overwhelming my intellectual mind even more. Making me moan loudly under his hands. 

I'm not gone for very long at a time. Something always throws me back out. The matrass moving under me, making the dildo tilt, for example. But those moments where I just exist and enjoy are so, so sweet. He's getting better at telling me to be quiet, knowing that talking pulls me up to the surface again. I'm getting better at diving back down, not letting myself stay on the surface for long.

Later, still attached in the same way. One of his hands is playing with my clit. The thumb on the other hand is showed into my mouth. Making me into a spit roast, penetrated in both ends. I eagerly perform oral sex on his finger for as long as I can, again losing myself in the glorious sensations.

Later, the dildo is removed and replaced by his dick. I'm still tied down to the metal frame like I was before. Just having to stand there on all four, chest and face on the mattress, ass up, pussy open. Eagerly accepting, as he slowly pounds into me. 

He threatens to leave me like this, just a willing sex toy for him to use, and my brain melts. My rational brain knows with 100% certainty that he won't do that. I feel completely safe with him in this situation, and know he'll listen if I want to change anything. So I don't have to monitor anything, don't have to be alert, don't have to worry. I can just let go. That trust in him, is why I'm able to let go. Able to step more into the illusion we're building together. And my brain just melts. 

Again, it doesn't last for long. I lose that subby mind space fairly quickly. But those glimpses are happening easier now, and more often. I feel myself growing more accustomed to the submissive role when we play, slowly letting go and trusting him more. Submitting to him feels like a drug. Both scary and so, so addictive. I really, really hope we can keep doing things like this.

Yes, please. Make me your sex toy.