Hooked again

I had to look up how long it's been now, since Novice and I parted ways. She's gradually fading from my immediate consciousness. Of course there are a lot of things that remind me of her, so many times per day she's brought to the forefront again. But she doesn't permanently reside there anymore. 

Part of the reason is just time and distance. The only time we've met and talked, she kept herself very distant from me. It saddened me, because I miss her friendship a lot.. However, it also drove home that she really doesn't want that closeness, that connection. Not now, and maybe not ever again. That's the reality I just have to live with. 

I said part of the reason is time and distance... Part of the reason, I think, is that my mind has latched onto someone else. There's this guy I've met and chatted superficially with in three different settings now: The kink scene, the board-/roleplay convention here years ago, and lastly at this community driven house for people who struggle with mental illness (Fountain House). 

I'm naming him Might, as this might not become anything serious.. I really don't know. It started when I asked if anyone in our kink community wanted to join me and a friend checking out a local Brewery festival in town. That was August 1st, so 8 days ago now. Might said he'd like to meet up with us, so we chatted a bit on Discord beforehand. (I'm realizing now, this is pretty much exactly how Saint and I met as well.)

Two things really grabbed my attention; One was that he'd written on his Fetlife profile that he wanted someone to practice rope/shibari with. I really want to find someone to practice with as well. (Novice and I really didn't do much shibari, considering we're both so into it. So my skills haven't developed much at all these past couple of years.) The second was that he's a switch. A switch like me. That's a pretty heady combo for someone who desperately wants to explore their submissive side, but who also enjoy being the top/dom. He was also willing to practice and possibly play with me, and his previous sexual experiences had been with men. Meaning he wasn't yet another straight cis man, seeing me as a defective woman... 

And he was willing. 

That's a pretty heady mix. 

We met up at that brewery festival, socialized with friends, and eventually left the crowd to talk just the two of us. We kept talking for hours, gradually growing physically closer as well. That single evening was enough. I was hooked on him, fascinated, feeling my obsession with Novice become more like background noise. 

The next morning, August 2nd, he picked me up and we went on an outing with others from that community driven house. Socializing for a few hours, and then again leaving to talk more just the two of us for a few hours before I had to go home. We'd agreed to meet on August 8th, but spontaneously, we met up in his apartment for a few hours on August 5th. He was exhausted, had just gotten back kayaking, but we still talked for a few hours more. Cuddling, hugging, just basking in the physical proximity of another interested adult. (That's the first time we kissed, and frankly he wasn't very good at it. Perhaps not surprising, considering how little experience he has.) 

After that, we changed the date on August 8 from "we'll meet up for a few hours in a local park and do some fully clothed shibari practice", to "we'll meet at his place in the evening of August 7, have dinner together, most likely have sex, do kinky stuff, and I'll sleep over there". And then we did. So that escalated quickly. 

We then agreed we'd meet up again Sunday evening, so that's two days from now.. But we just talked, and agreed I could come tonight. And stay the night until tomorrow. 

So yeah. Escalating, definitely.

Really not sure this is a good idea.