Standing naked in front of him, except for strap-on and binder, I couldn't meet his eyes. Couldn't ask for what I wanted. Couldn't really think. Shaking on the inside, so FUCKING vulnerable; Every sense on high alert. One wrong move from him, one wrong word, a sound or grimace that my mind could interpret as negative in any way.. And I'd probably have packed up and left. Or pulled completely back and distanced myself from it all. Or just started crying.
There were no negatives, though. Just gentle touch, gentle words.. Affirmations and accolades. He called me "handsome". He called me a "good boy". Unexpectedly. Unasked. And he kept doing it. Making me blush, but in a good way. Making me grin. I'm still shaking from that. Disregarding everything else that happened, just those words would have been enough to make this a great night.
He knew what I wanted. We'd talked about it beforehand, after all. Me being dumbfounded wasn't really a problem. He touched it, as we were standing really close, and I could have sworn it was my own. I didn't have to see it, I could feel slight movements through the base of the dildo.
I get why other transmen call it a prosthetic now. I get it. Finally. It wasn't "just" a dildo. It was mine. It was me. He was touching ME.
Kneeling down, he put it to his lips. He fingered me lightly while he did so, and that was nice.. But ultimately unnecessary. Next time, if I have my wits about me, I'll tell him not to (in that particular situation. He did similar things later, which were great). It was a distraction at that point. Watching the dick going in and out of his mouth was enough. My hand on the back of his head, gently urging him on was enough. Holding the base of my dick as I gently shoved it is in mouth was fucking awesome.
Moving to the bed, the order of events are slightly blurred. I know he figered me lightly. I know I sucked his dick, a lot. I know he went down on me, and let me tell you: Having his mouth on my clit as I could see his hand playing with the head of my dick was... An experience. A good one.
I think that was the only time I had to ask him for a break (might be wrong, like I said, things are blurry). The emotional load of the oral, and having my dick touched, and seeing it all.. It got a bit too much. He granted me the break I asked for, and after that I sucked his dick some more. Not only because I love doing that, but also because it feels emotionally uncomplicated for me.
I then rode him until my hips couldn't take anymore and then he fucked me while I was on my back for a bit. And seeing my dick there between us, as he fucked me... Well, my mind was reeling at this point... But it was good. It was really good.
(His dick is SUPER thick, but only slightly over regular length. He doesn't really get along with regular condoms. So we'll see if we can maybe fluid bond eventually. I want to get tested first though.. And I'll need to start using protection with Student. I know he fucks others without protection, and those people fucks others etc. Student's other semi-regular lover is on Prep, but that doesn't protect him from anything other than hiv... So yeah, no more condomless sex with Student after this week, to be on the safe side.)
I fucked myself with the steel dildo and rubbed myself to orgasm, while laying in his arms. (It was really hard to come this time, it feels like my clit is numb.. It went through a phase like this a couple of months ago, too, so I expect it means it's growing again. Or so I hope...)
In coming, I started laughing like I always do from orgasms. It's a reflex, more or less, I can't help it... And then he called me a "good boy", and my laughter helplessly turned into tears. Still giggling, but definitely also crying.
I didn't warn him that might happen, because it's been years... But considering the emotional strain this whole evening had put on me, I shouldn't have been surprised. I tried to explain that it occasionally happens, and he hadn't done anything wrong. It's just a release, expressed in a different form than laughter. Luckily, he didn't seem stressed out or bothered by it. The last thing I want to do at this point is alienate him.
I needed some distance after that, though, so we talked about other things for a bit. Then I started touching him again, asking him what good I could do for him. How I could please him.
After fondling him a bit, I ended up sucking his cock again. He seemed surprised that I truly enjoy that as much as I do. That I enjoy reciprocating, giving him pleasure. Making him come takes time, and apparently he's used to people loosing their patience with him. I didn't loose patience, and loved making him come.
We plan on meeting up again after the summer holidays. I'm already looking forward to that.
No comments:
Post a Comment