With a closed fist

Last night, Elle asked me to hit her thighs and upper arms with my closed fist. I've never hit anyone or anything with a closed fist before. Not in kink, not in real fights, not as a child at play, not at a gym, not frustratingly hitting a couch pillow, never. So at first, I was very apprehensive, but I quickly got the swing of it. The thud as my fist hit, the moans and screams of pain, the reverberation throughout her arm or leg, it was very interesting. Intense. Fun. I need to do it more, I want to build more strength in my wrists and arms. 

Then she asked me to bite her, and I was thrilled with that request. The sadistic urge to hurt, combines with the primal urge to bite, control, dominate, own. It's a heady rush, crawling all over her body and holding her down, while biting and growling at her. 

Then she asked me to stop, while VERY CLEARLY signaling that she wanted me to continue. We haven't played much with cnc before, but what little we did was fun. I DEFINITELY want to explore that much more. The session then organically evolved into a verbal humiliation kind of game. I called her worthless, a plaything, a sex toy, an object that I can use, nothing more than a thing. A useless, little thing. All of that WHILE I was riding her, fascinatingly enough. 

The penetration messed it up a bit for me. I couldn't keep getting pleasure from that, while telling her how useless she was. The cognitive dissonance became too great for me. So I eventually had to stop it. She seemed a bit disappointed, and I hate to disappoint, but it was getting too much for me. I'm sorry about that, but stopping was still the right thing to do. I haven't played that heavily with humiliation in... at least 4-6 years, I think. 

I want to do it again, though. Maybe while riding a strap-on strapped to her, in stead of her own junk. I think that would be easier for me (and another tool for humiliation). I also want to spit on her next time. We hadn't talked about it beforehand, but now we have. And she's agreed. 

All in all, I love the directions our kink is developing. It feels like nothing is off the table, all options are open. She encourages me, perverts me, and we explore this all together. It's fun, intense and really sexy. I love it. I love her.